


In Another Lifetime

by KTRob



Series: In An Alternate Universe [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bruce Banner Feels, Bruce Banner is a good friend, F/M, Fluff, Humor, I Don't Even Know, I am not sure what I am doing, Multi, Nick Fury Knows All, Oops, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Smut, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Wade Wilson has a Heart, What Have I Done, more to come? - Freeform, smutty smut smut, time jumps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-04 21:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11563563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KTRob/pseuds/KTRob
Summary: Vera Avery's mission for almost the last 70 years was chasing the Winter Soldier, trying to extract him from Hydra until their last encounter that left Vera nearly dead inside. How else would you handle watching the love of your life's lifeless body being dragged away from the very men you were trying to save him from? Flash forward 10 years later...just as Vera has finally started moving on and after much reluctance, begun dating the love of her life's best friend, Steve Rogers, she discovers her beloved is alive and on a mission to kill them. Vera's secretive past begins to unravel as Steve finds out she knows Bucky and she's left wondering if the choices she'd made were the right ones...





	1. I Hate You

**Author's Note:**

> So...I did a thing...and I hope it doesn't get confusing. This is in an alternate universe type deal with my original female character, Vera Avery. I was inspired by this as I was writing my piece "Saving the Winter Soldier" and I decided to just let it run wild. And to make this even worse, this is actually part of a series because it spins off into another alternate lifetime at some point. I like this, cause it has taken me out of my element a little and I need that. I just want to have fun with it. Anyway, I will start working on this, along side adding to "Saving the Winter Soldier." And I would love some feedback because I am not sure I should have started this piece the way I have...

I shot straight up in bed, unsure whether the scream I heard was a dream. I turned my head to look at the time on the clock. 2 A.M. Steve Rogers softly groaned as he stretched beside me in the bed. His hand softly touched my back , his fingers stroking out soothing patterns along my skin. I drew in a deep breath as I opened the shared connection to the other person on this floor in the Avengers compound. One of the many perks to being an empath was my ability to create these connections as a way to know what someone was feeling without having to be there. Especially at 2 A.M. when there was someone down the hall who could be difficult to deal with. I sensed an overwhelming feeling of agitation and frustration once the pathway opened. _Nope, not a dream_ , I thought to myself as I quickly closed the connection and untwisted myself from the blankets.

“He’s up again, Steve,” I said softly.

“I’ll go,” he said as he yawned. I smiled as I turned toward him.

“No, I’m up. I’ve got this,” I said. He propped himself up on his elbows as he kissed my lips.

“Are you sure?” he asked as he yawned again. I chuckled and kissed his forehead. I quickly opened the connection between us, pushing through a lulling calm. I felt him smile as he laid back down.

“Yeah. I’ve got this. Go back to sleep, babe,” I whispered, closing the connection as I pulled the blankets back up around him and tucked my sleepy Steve back in I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, rearranging the sheets I had thrown off me and reached down to grab my yoga Capri pants and one of Tony’s AC/DC shirts, pulling them on as I made my way to the door of our room. I slipped out into the hallway and walked quietly down the hall to Bucky’s room, noting the light was on. I knocked on the door before opening it.

“Bucky?” I asked softly as I walked into the room, closing the door behind me. The man sitting on the bed looked up from his notebook, his grey blue eyes peeking between long strands of his long dark brown hair. I could tell he recognized me and I didn’t miss the emotions that spoke volumes through those eyes. I wouldn’t lie, it hurt. It hurt a lot. It made me wonder just how it all ended up this way. And yet, I knew exactly how it ended up here.

“Why are you here?” he growled as spun the pen around in his fingers. A small smile stretched across my face as I watched him put the pen to paper and continue writing. I was happy he decided to try my suggestion to write through his memories. Even though the Winter Soldier had been removed, Bucky was recovering from PTSD. He was remembering all the things he’d done and all the people he killed as the brainwashed soldier and was having difficulties sorting through the reality and the fiction his brain was creating. He was getting better with the help of Steve’s friend, Sam Wilson and with writing things down in the notebook, but there were still nights like this where the dreams haunted him to the point of insomnia.

“Buck, you know why I’m here. Is this how it’s going to be right now? You hate me after we talked about this?” I asked. He sighed as he put the notebook and pen down, motioning for me to sit on the bed. I came around to the side of the bed to sit a bit closer to him.

“For the record, I don’t hate you,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’m just trying to…adjust. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel or act around my best friend and my…former girl.”

I reached for his hand and he pulled it away. I sighed as I retracted my hand.

“Bucky, I know this isn’t easy and I don’t know how to tell you how you should act of feel. I just don’t know. I know that I wish there was a way to move beyond this.”

Bucky nodded. “We can…move beyond this. I was technically gone for over 10 years. I think,” he said. “Time is so disjointed for me. After all the brainwashing I still have a hard time remembering it’s not the 1940’s anymore and that I’ve missed so much. I just…” I looked to Bucky as he fought the wave of emotions that washed over his face. “I’m still in love with you, doll. And I mean, of all the people in the world, I couldn’t think of anyone better than Steve to care for you and love you as I do. But…at the same time, I’m here and you’re no longer mine. It hurts. It hurts bad. And all I can feel sometimes is angry for it. And then I get even more upset that I’m angry over something I had no control over. You and I had moments, Vera. It wasn’t fair. You deserved better,” he said. I felt tears sting my eyes and my nose did that awful prickly thing just before I would start crying. I tried to push it away. I knew how this discussion went and it always left me feeling like the worst person ever. It left Bucky even more bewildered and angry, so I just nodded, knowing that selfishly I wished I could have them both. In one would be better but both. I had chosen Steve because I loved him. He was the most stable relationship I’d had for the last few years. We connected a lot more than I realized. And to be without him, as I had with Bucky, would be devastating. Was there such a thing as two soul mates? I wasn’t sure I really believed in the concept anymore. I looked back to the man watching me with those intense piercing blue eyes. He was trying to get a read on me, as I often times would on him. I smiled.

“Bucky, I still care about you. That has never changed, “ I said.

“I know,” he said as I reached out to his arm and soothingly rubbed his shoulder.

“What was the nightmare about?” I asked. He looked away and shook his head. I waited patiently for him to come around. If I didn’t press the words would come without thought. I’d learned to wait him out but it was also helpful that I could read his emotions so I knew when something was truly bothering him. Steve often pressed him because he needed to help his best friend. It just made the process worse for Bucky as he felt pressured to jump into whatever horrors he didn’t want to remember. If we were both with Bucky I managed to occupy Steve long enough to let Bucky collect himself. It was a work in progress but he was getting better with talking about it.

“I had that dream again,” he began so softly I almost didn‘t hear him. “The one where you found me on my mission. I’d just killed a man…some nobody that Hydra wanted out of the way for fear things wouldn’t shift in their direction if he was alive. You appeared, waking me from the Winter Soldier.”

Bucky’s dream wasn’t a specific piece in time, rather it was blended together. It was a direct result of his brain being scrambled. He was remembering my rescues but somehow, they’d all managed to blur together in his dreams. But they all ended much the same way. I braced myself as I knew how it ended and it seemed to get much worse every time. He cleared his throat.

“You were trying to rescue me,” he started again, a little louder. “We managed to get someplace safe and we had hours to go before I was due back as the Winter Soldier for the mission report. Once I had secured the area, you brought me in close to you, like you used to. You’d talk soothingly to me, letting me process what was happening. I reveled in the thought of being away from all of this with you, even for a moment.”

Bucky drew in a deep breath as his eyes closed. “I can still remember your scent, as close as I was to you. The familiarity of home. I can still remember how your lips tasted sweet like honey. How swollen and red they’d get after I’d kiss you and how you’d bite your lower lip. I could hear your soft moans, almost afraid you’d give us away as we made love, over and over until we were exhausted,” he continued. I felt the lump form in my throat and my cheeks heat as my body trembled. I remembered those moments and while they were fond memories-one’s I’d never forget, I always felt guilty remembering them because of Steve. These were natural responses…I knew that. But it didn’t lessen the guilt I felt when I thought about them or when Bucky talked about them. Steve knew about these dreams too, but Bucky always left out the intimate parts like that when he told Steve about them. Whether it was to spare feelings or keep a fight from breaking out I wouldn’t know. But either way, I was grateful.

“When we finished we’d lay in each others arms and you would beg me to come with you. That you were going to lead me to safety. You were there to extract me. And I would always shush you to sleep and reassure you that we’d discuss it later. We drifted off…only to be woken by Zola and his army. They captured you, Vera, and took you back for testing. And in that, they’d found a new way to make me obedient. They would make me torture you…only if I refused, they turned me into the Winter Soldier and commanded me to torture you,” he said, his voice cracking. “And I was helpless. I had to comply…I can still hear your screaming echoing in my head…”

I grabbed his hand and pressed it to my cheek as I looked into his haunted eyes.

“Bucky, I’m here. I’m real. I’m not hurt. Hydra never found me. You never hurt me. That part of your nightmare wasn’t real. You know this,” I said gently.

“I know. But that doesn’t make it any less frightening or scary. It was so vivid. Vivid enough to make me think it did,” he whispered, his voice slightly cracking.

“It never did, Buck. Trust me,” I reassured him. He nodded and fought to shake off the impending freak out.

“I know. But it didn’t make it easier knowing in my head that it could have. It’s why I kept leaving, Ver. I couldn’t let them find you,” he whispered, his fingers softly stroked my cheek. He looked me over and suddenly, I felt it. The look in his eyes was how he looked at me before he kissed me. My heart raced because of what he might do next. He pulled my face closer to kiss my forehead and I allowed him to do so. As he pulled away, he tilted my chin up towards him and captured my lips with his. His fingers tangled in my dark rainbow-y waves to deepen the kiss. I was caught off guard as muscle memory took over. It was a natural reaction, kissing Bucky the way I was. But once I realized what was happening, I pushed him away, gasping for breath. Bucky’s eyes were still ablaze with lust. He lunged forward to catch me again but I put my hand on his chest and pushed back.

“Bucky, stop! Please. We can’t do this-”

“But I felt it, Vera. I felt it in the kiss-”

“Bucky, I’m with Steve now. WE can’t do this!” I snapped. He stopped struggling against me. The look he gave me nearly killed me. He was hurt. I wanted to open the connection, try to fix the situation, but I knew it would end in disaster.

“Bucky, I’m sorry-”

“You should go, Vera. Before we do something we both regret,” he said firmly as he sat back in the bed, arms crossing his chest. I nodded, feeling my heart sink as his words registered. I stood up and walked to the door before I gave it a second thought. I hadn’t meant to hurt him, but the damage had been done. The worst part was that I wasn’t sure this was something that we could ever resolve. As I slipped through his door, I made my way to the kitchen for a glass of water, knowing damn well that sleep was the last thing I’d be getting right now.


	2. In the Beginning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok...I wasn't sure if the first chapter was how I wanted to start this (since it is set in present time pretty much) and I am definitely not sure that I am okay with this chapter, as it is going back in time. This is set a couple of years before the CA: Winter Soldier and just after the alien invasion in New York. And this chapter was not actually something I had written yet (nor had I really planned on it). I would really love some input about this and whether or not the time jumps will be ok...or whether I should actually start the series with this and then move forward. Thanks for the kudos and comments. I am enjoying sharing my work.

_Washington DC, 15 years ago_

_I’d followed him to a warehouse a few miles away from where I’d attempted the extract. Bucky had once again slipped out just before dawn, leaving me to wake alone. This time, I’d awakened as he’d left and decided I’d follow him, see if he was right about Hydra. He’d led me here, where a group of men in black uniforms and red skull and tentacle emblems were waiting for him. I’d stayed a safe distance away but that also eliminated any chance I’d hear the interactions between him and the soldiers. As I crouched in the brush and bushes in the hillside by the warehouse, I noted I may not need to hear what was taking place as one of the soldiers (the lead I presumed) began yelling at Bucky, who stood before him, no emotion on his face. When he didn’t reply, the soldier stepped forward and got right into his face, screaming at him. When Bucky didn’t answer, the soldier attempted to punch him in the gut but Bucky jumped into action and a scuffle broke out. I watched in awe as he fought the surrounding soldiers too. To watch him fluidly move through the fight as he did barely hit by any of Hydra’s men was dangerously beautiful. He’d been trained for this and that’s what made him such a deadly asset. But as I watched him, a few soldiers off to the side of the scuffle caught my attention, noting the gun in hand. My heart sank as I watched in horror as he took aim and fired. Bucky froze, standing almost dumbfounded, as his sank to his knees then went limp as he fell to the side._

I woke to the sound of my own scream, twisted tightly in my sheets and covered in sweat. As I realized I was alone in my room and it was just a dream, I sat up in my bed, my heart thundering in my chest and the blood rushing in my ears. The room was dimly lit by the purple haze of the predawn sky as I focused on things around me. The softness of the cotton sheets, the slight chill of the air, the fresh scent of my sea cotton bloom lotion, the fact that my mouth was slightly dry, all things tangible to me at that exact moment. I tried to free myself from the sheets as I threw them off me and brought my knees to my chest. I rubbed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath and thinking about my to do list for the day. I wasn’t due into the Triskelon for training until 7 and Director Fury wouldn’t be expecting me until 9. _Fantastic_ , I thought. _I am once again not sleeping through the night_.

AC/DC’s “Shoot to Thrill” nearly made my heart come out of my chest as I reached over for my cell phone.

“It’s too early for you to be awake so I am assuming that you once again ignored my request to turn off JARVIS’ silent monitor on me,” I snapped.

“You know I care about you, Ver,” Tony Stark’s groggy voice said.

“I’m fine. Going for a run. Bye, freak,” I said.

“Vera, seriously, this is like, the 10th time in a month,” Tony began.

“I love you, too, Tony. Go back to bed. Bye,” I said as I hung up and shut off my phone. I tossed it down on the bed away from me and sighed. Tony meant well. He really did. But this whole going against my wishes because he thought he was watching out for me was ridiculous. Tony was family. I’d known him since the day he was born. And that still didn’t make him any less annoying with this whole trying to protect me business. Since he knew I was a failed secret experiment that would be of value if I fell into the wrong hands, he’d become increasingly concerned for my safety. I’d tried to explain to him that since I worked for SHIELD, it was somewhat unnecessary but anyone who knew Tony also knew that he didn’t listen to reason and did what he wanted when he wanted. I both loved and hated that about him. But, this was something else I’d add to my to do list and deal with it later. For now, I was awake and grumpy. I had hoped that I was starting to get over this whole reoccurring nightmare watching my beloved Bucky Barnes fade away in front of my eyes. It had been almost 8 years since he died and still, it felt like I was holding on as tight as I could to his memory. It was like every time I tried to move beyond it, I was still relieving it. I grunted as I threw my legs over the side of my bed and stood up to get my workout gear on. If I couldn’t sleep or forget the memory that haunted me still then I would find something that would at least be constructive. And getting a work out in seemed to be the answer. I made my way to my balcony to start with some Sun Salutation stretches before heading into the Triskelon for a quick punching bag session before training. Anything that would take my mind off the nightmare.

An hour later, I had badged into the Triskelon, headed to the gym on the 3rd level. I made my way to the locker room to drop my back pack off into my locker and pull my oil slick rainbow waves back into a messy bun. I grabbed my kickboxing gloves and headed to the punching bags. Noting that there was no one else in the gym, I picked one of the bags closest to the mirrors and strapped on my gloves. I glanced into the mirror, noticing the exhausted and haunted grey green eyes staring back at me. Of all the things that had changed when I was given the super soldier serum, my eyes never did. I was now the proud owner of a well muscled, lean but curvy physique with wings that matched my dark rainbow hair to boot. I was strong and fast. And my empathic capabilities had suddenly become enhanced. But my grey green gaze still remained the same somehow. I couldn’t describe it. I shook my head and prepped myself to begin a series of punches and kicks to warm up. A few minutes of warming up suddenly found me pounding my fists into the bag as my mind wandered back to the memories of Bucky. I’d failed him. He was dead because I had stupidly stayed behind in the bushes because I was a secret. I felt my arm muscles burning and my knuckles were starting to feel bruised as sweat poured down my face. But I didn’t stop. Instead I launched into a series of kicks as I had remembered my training with Bucky. At his insistence, he trained me just as he had been trained with Hydra. He wanted me to be prepared and learn how the Winter Soldier operated so I could take him on if I ever didn’t wake him. As much as I had hated it, it was something that stuck with me all these years and had served me well many times on my missions. Even still on the missions Nick Fury sent me on, the Winter Soldier training had come in handy. I felt my body shift back into a prepped punching stance as I unloaded on the punching bag again. Every muscle in my body was screaming for mercy as I laid into the bag, fighting back the urge to cry. A sudden hand on my shoulder had me whirling around, my right arm arm cocked back just right as I saw concerned bright blue eyes come into my line of view. Before I could even register who the blue eyes belonged to, I swung my fist out in a quick jab to the figure in front of me, who thankfully ducked just before I could connect the punch to him. Startled, I gasped as I pulled my arm back and looked to the man who rose up from his bob and weave.

“Cap! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean-” I began.

The golden blond haired man with his grey shirt taut around his arm and pectoral muscles and black sweatpants hugging his hips smiled that dazzling all American smile of his as he held up his hand.

“I’m ok Vera. No worries. The question is, are you okay?” he asked. “I came in to lift some weights before training and noticed you in here. The fact that you didn’t answer when I said good morning had me wondering if something was wrong,” he said. Leave it to America’s golden boy to be concerned about someone in need. Even if it meant putting himself potentially in harm’s way.

“Just didn’t sleep well,” I said as I looked away. I hoped he wouldn’t try to make me talk about it.

“I totally understand that. I don’t sleep well myself anymore. Not since I was brought back and all,” he said as he cautiously touched my shoulder. I glanced back up into his deep blue eyes and nodded. Steve was brought back to life from the ice he’d been frozen in over a year ago. And since then he had been an agent of SHIELD and recruited for the Avenger’s initiative. It wasn’t that long ago he fought off an invading alien race from trying to take over New York City. I couldn’t imagine what that must’ve been like for him.

“You are pretty good with your punches. You’re very…focused,” he chuckled. I smiled. I wasn’t sure whether or not he was trying to flirt, but I knew he was trying to lighten the mood.

“I had a very good teacher. Taught me everything I know,” I said.

“Ah. Well, perhaps you could teach me your secret sometime. I’d really like to know how you do it,” he said, flashing those pearly whites. Now he was flirting and I felt my heart skip, followed by the overwhelming feeling of guilt.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea, Steve,” I said softly as I shrugged his hand off.

“It wouldn’t be a good idea to help me improve my form on the punching bags?” he asked innocently. I crossed my arms. I liked Steve well enough, but the fact that I knew he wanted to take me out was a bad idea. Especially considering he didn’t know about my past with his best friend, Bucky Barnes. Plus we worked together. It didn’t help that another one of our teammates was encouraging it because she thought Steve and I would be good together.

“You know what I mean, Steve. I like you, but I think dating each other is a bad idea,” I said. Steve sighed and nodded his head.

“I get it. But I-”

Just then Brock Rumlow clapped his hand on Steve’s shoulder, pushing his way into the conversation.

“Seriously, Cap, how many times of getting shot down is it going to take for you?” Brock said. “You obviously aren’t her type.”

I gritted my teeth and rolled my eyes. I hated the brown haired muscled meat head with the fire of a thousand suns. Cocky son of a bitch had been harassing me long before Steve came into the picture and was somehow convinced I would succumb to him after he wore me down. As if getting his ass handed to him during training hadn’t given him the hint.

“And you are?” I sneered. Brock gave me a smug grin as he stepped up, keeping his brown eyes locked on mine.

“You know I can give you what Stevie boy here would be too shy to,” Brock chuckled. Steve’s face flushed a deep red as he turned to Brock.

“Really, Rumlow? We’re going there?” he asked calmly. Steve tactic was to try and diffuse the situation but I knew better. Rumlow was an asshole and he wasn’t going to just cut it out.

“Just saying, Cap, it’s not the 40s. First dates usually happen if the fuck was good enough,” he said.

“Like you would know anything about that, asshat,” I snarled.

“The only reason you won’t give me a chance in bed is because you’re afraid of me,” he said. I laughed as I uncrossed my arms.

“No, I won’t give you a chance because if you’re anything like you are in training, I’m in for a long night of having to take care of things myself,” I spat out. Steve tried to intervene with Rumlow again.

“Brock, really, leave her alone. I don’t care that you poke fun of me. Fine whatever, I strike out every time. I have no luck with the ladies. But she doesn’t deserve to be talked about like that,” he said.

“Steve, please don’t worry about it. I appreciate the fact that you are trying to defend me, but it’s ok. I can handle Brockie and his stupid one liners,” I said. Steve turned his gaze to me and instead of looking embarrassed or scolded, he looked angry.

“It’s not ok, Vera. I don’t appreciate the way he talks about you. Especially since you are a strong woman,” he said. Something about what Steve said resonated with me. He really did care about me and hated it when people assumed that because I was a female I was something to be dominated and undermined. Something about that made me think of Bucky and how he would have almost said the same thing. I was about to say something at the very moment when Brock pushed Steve around, screaming some string of obscenities at him. I immediately felt my self control snap and I cocked my arm back. I stepped in and launched my fist, cold cocking Rumlow in the jaw, watching him tumble to the ground. I shook my fist as I nodded to Steve, walking away.

“See you in training,” I called back to him as I made my way to the locker room to catch my breath. As I stepped into the door way, a familiar flash of red and black caught my attention and I looked up, straight into the red headed Russian’s smirking eyes.

“Just another day of being a bad ass agent, eh?” Natasha said, a giggle edging her voice. I smiled.

“Never a dull moment in this place,” I replied as I continued on to my locker, unwinding my gloves.

“You know Fury’s going to chew your ass for that, right?” she asked. I didn’t bother to turn to her, just shrugged as I put my gloves away. I knew Nick would be upset at me for not controlling the urge to clock Rumlow for his baiting comments but at the same time, he wouldn’t reprimand me for standing up to that asshole. I worked directly under Director Fury and his orders, not Director Pierce or the STRIKE team. It would be mentioned again that Rumlow’s harassment would not be tolerated and Rumlow would have his ass handed to him yet again. The circle of life would once again be complete.

“You know, going on a date with Steve wouldn’t be such a bad thing,” Natasha said, pulling me from my thoughts. I turned to her and slammed my locker shut.

“I suppose Steve has you to thank for his new found confidence?” I asked.

“Come on, Vera…what is the worst that could happen? One date. And if you two don’t work out then hey, you tried,” she said. I rolled my eyes. “Vera, the guy who ghosted you was an asshole. Steve wouldn’t do that to you. He’s different. He’s more…old fashioned. Which I think is something that would suit you perfectly.”

My mind wandered back to my encounters with Bucky over the years. Our romance was whirlwind and chaotic, only moments though. In those moments, when he was awakened from the Winter Soldier, he’d been tender and ‘old fashioned,’ as Natasha put it. I could imagine what he would have been like if I could have gotten him away from Hydra and helped him recover from everything he’d been through as the Winter Soldier. As crazy as it was only being with each other for moments in time, I loved Bucky. I’d fallen for him the day I’d saved his life when he fell from Hydra’s train. I’d managed to convince myself that even though he kept trying to save me from Hydra that one day we’d be together and he and I could live out our lives as we intended. But…the dream died the day he did. And as much as Natasha thought Steve and I could be the perfect couple, I couldn’t do that to him. He was Bucky’s best friend and I didn’t think I could bear it if Steve ever found out that Bucky had been alive long enough to become a weapon of Hydra. It was hard enough that I worked with Steve, knowing they both had been best friends. Steve actually reminded me a lot of Bucky…maybe a little more shy and perhaps a little less forward, but there was something about the way he talked to me, looked at me that made me think of Bucky. And it made my heart ache.

“He really likes you, Vera,” Natasha said, once again snapping me out of my reverie. “If anything, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to actually get to know him. You know, before you write him off or friend zone him.”

I laughed. I had to admire Natasha’s gumption. She really must care for the guy to keep trying to help him out.

“I really just want to see you happy. Both of you,” she said. I smiled and nodded, knowing that Natasha meant well.

“Come on. I am sure that training is going to be interesting now that you’ve almost broken Rumlow’s jaw. I’ll see if Steve will let me be your training partner again,” she said as we made our way to the training room.


	3. Who the Hell Asked You Anyway, Wade Wilson?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am flying kind of blind here. This chapter and the chapter before it really hadn't been planned or written like other bits and pieces I have for things to come. I kind of like this and I kind of feel like it drags. Please let me know! :)

The rest of the day went without much incident. Natasha had convinced Steve to let her partner up with me again, though I swear I saw him almost pouting about it. Director Fury did have a talk with me about how “disappointed” he was that I did not handle myself better with Brock Rumlow but that he had also threatened to have his ass canned when Director Pierce brought it up. Once again, Brock had his ass chewed out for harassing me and that no means no. Not that it would truly stop him, but it was nice to know that he was being put on probation for his actions. If I was really an awful person, I’d bait him and get his ass fired. But I really didn’t care enough to stoop that low. Instead I spent the rest of the afternoon talking logistics and strategy about our next mission with Steve, Natasha and Nick. I left the Triskelon earlier than normal and headed home to prepare for the upcoming mission.

As I approached my apartment, I noticed I’d felt a presence that hadn’t been there before and realized someone was inside. As I went to unlock my door and prepared myself for the infinite possibilities of who or what was waiting for me, my door swung open and who should be standing there with a shit eating grin was none other than Wade Wilson.

“Hey, you’re not the pizza guy,” he chuckled.

“Fucking damn it, Wade! You scared the shit out of me!” I shrieked, clutching my chest as my heart nearly pounded out of it. I took a deep breath, trying to alleviate the adrenaline coursing in me. Wade stuck out his lower lip, genuinely hurt as he gave me the saddest look his brown eyes could muster.

“I only came to visit. I missed you, Vera. New York isn’t the same without you,” he whined.

“Did I know you were coming?” I asked as I stepped in and shut the door behind me. Not that it mattered. I’d given him a spare key for visits. He usually called before he showed up though.

“Aww, now I am genuinely hurt, Ver, “ he said, clutching his chest right over his heart. “It would help if you would have turned your phone on though.”

I sighed as I remembered shutting off my phone at the butt crack of dawn because of Tony. Wade had probably messaged me endlessly without reply and just decided it would be cool to crash.

“Wade, I’m sorry. Tony is still monitoring me and I just didn’t want to deal with it so I turned my phone off. But I’m glad you’re here,” I said as I wrapped my arms around him. He obliged, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tighter.

“Bad day?” he asked as he pulled back to look me in the eyes. I shook my head.

“Just long,” I replied as I set my bag down on the floor.

“Well then it’s a good thing I’m here. Dinner will be here soon and there is beer in the fridge,” he said.

“Wade,” I whined. “You didn’t need to do that. I should have ordered. You are my guest.”

He smiled and chuckled as he slid his hand to my lower back, guiding me to the couch. I sat down as he walked over to the fridge and grabbed a couple bottles of the beer he’d brought.

“I realize that but I thought I would be the exasperated housewife for once,” he said.

He popped the tops and walked over, handing me one. I lifted an eyebrow and smiled as he took the seat next to me. You’d swear that if you’d never met us that we looked like a couple. But anyone who knew Wade and I well enough knew it wasn’t true and would laugh at the thought. Including me. Wade, on the other hand, tried to ask me out once a couple years ago…I sucker punched him off his barstool, he changed his mind and decided he simply must be my friend. And friends we’ve been for quite sometime. Not that there was anything wrong with Wade. He was extremely attractive and had a heart of gold. When he wasn’t being a class A jerk. Most people probably wouldn’t say that about him, but what could I say? He knew me. We’d become close. I just simply didn’t feel that way about him.

“So what’s got you stressed, Rainbow Brite?” he asked after taking a sip of his beer. I smiled at his nickname for me. Rainbow Brite was a reference to my oil slick rainbow colored hair with a shimmery blending of jade green, amethyst, garnet, and sapphire. It often looked like it was deep dark brown with shades of those colors streaked through in the light. I took a sip of my beer. Wade had good taste. Too bad I couldn’t get drunk, being a failed super soldier experiment and all.

“I’ve been having those dreams again. The one about the last moment I saw him,” I said softly. Wade sighed and looked to the beer label, stroking the moisture drops off the bottle with his thumb. He knew everything regarding who I was and the fact that my former love was the Winter Soldier. He’s kept my secret all this time and has stayed by my side ever since. Whether it’s because he’s still infatuated or he just really wants to be friends, he’ll never tell. But I get the feeling he appreciates feeling like he’s not alone and that of all people, I trusted him with something that I don’t share with many.

“I’m sorry, Vera,” he said. I shook my head to cut him off, knowing that sympathy wasn’t his strong suit.

“It’s fine, Wade. It’s been what…7, 8 years? I should have moved on by now. It just wasn’t a great way to start the day. Neither was the spat I had with Rumlow,” I said. Wade made a face and growled.

“I hope you fucking decked him,” he snapped. I grinned and took another sip. His eyes nearly bulged and he nearly dropped his beer. He started laughing.

“Tell me you have that recorded! I’d give anything to see that!” he screamed in laughter.

“No. I don’t. But my hand still stings from that and it did feel good,” I chuckled.

“So…good old Captain Rogers didn’t jump in to save the day?” he asked. I rolled my eyes. I’d made the mistake of telling him about Steve and Steve’s insistence to take me out on a proper date.

“He was right there, trying to diffuse the situation-”

“After he’d tried to flirt?” he asked. I glared daggers at him as he smirked, completely un-phased by my annoyance. I nodded my head and took a bigger swig of my beer. He laughed as he set his beer down on the coffee table.

“Ver…you know…it’s been 8 years now…” he said carefully. I nodded as I looked away from him. As if I could truly forget that. It was a memory permanently emblazoned in my mind. 8 years since I last saw Bucky. 8 years ago and he was dragged away. Dead. I was finally coming to grips with the fact that he was gone and that I needed to move on with my life.

“I know. But, Wade, it’s Steve. It’s Bucky’s best friend,” I said, setting my beer down on the coffee table.

“And Bucky died, Vera. I’m sorry but he’s gone. And you can’t punish yourself,” he said.

“Steve is Bucky’s best friend. I can’t date him. It would be a bad idea!” I hissed.

“Why?” he asked. I threw my hands up.

“Because Steve doesn’t know that Bucky was alive. You don’t think that somehow wouldn’t get brought up given where I work?!” I cried out. He shrugged.

“I don’t think it will unless you bring it up. And I don’t think it’s necessary to do that,” he said as he waggled an eyebrow. “You know, Cap has the hots for you…and I’ve heard he’s never had sex. That means you could be the one to corrupt his good little reputation.”

I smacked him in the arm, completely shocked Wade would imply that I would corrupt Steve.

“Oh come on, Rainbow. I can tell you must have a wild side that comes out in the bedroom. You just don’t talk about it cause you’re you and you know that I‘d be all over you,” he replied.

“Wade Wilson! Do I need to remind you about what fucking happened when you so eloquently tried to charm me into bed?!” I squealed. “And furthermore, why on Earth would I jump into bed with Steve when I am not going to go out with him?! He’s not that type of guy!”

He wiggled and eyebrow as he stifled a chuckle.

“He may not be trying to just go out with you if you catch my drift,” he said. This time I punched him in the arm as he braced for it. He raised his good arm.

“Ok. Ok. I get it. I’ll stop. But you got to admit you are a feisty one and I have good taste. At least I tried,” he said as he clutched his arm.

“I just-”

“Don’t say you can’t. I get it. He was Bucky’s best friend. But Vera, it’s been 8 years. And you should get out there. What is wrong with one date with him?” he asked.

“A lot,” I replied.

“It doesn’t have to be that way,” he said, as he reached for his beer, taking a long draw.

“Who fucking asked you anyway?” I asked as I crossed my arms.

“It probably wouldn’t hurt if you got laid. I’m here and I am more than willing to volunteer as tribute,” he said nonchalantly setting his beer down. I uncrossed my arms and raise my fist.

“You fucking want another one?!” I screamed. He roared with laughter as he held both his hands up.

“I’m done. I’ll stop. But you know I’m not teasing and I’ll leave it at that. Vera, I care so much about you. Hell, you know I’d do anything you asked me to. I’d stay here and be your fuck boy if you asked. But I know you don’t want that. But this isn’t about me. It’s about you,” he said. “I just want you to be happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Awww…Wade, you really do have a heart,” I replied as I held my hands to my heart.

“Yeah, yeah. Stop it! I don’t do mushy but I do for you. And I’d retaliate if that ever got out in the open. It’s bad for business,” he said soberly. Wade was a mercenary, doing odd jobs for compensation and favors. I often called him the friendly mechanic in reference to Jason Statham’s hit man character in the move The Mechanic. I didn’t know what all he did and I never asked but he’d alluded it was dark sometimes. I’ve only asked for his service once and that was to hunt down information about the possible whereabouts of Bucky’s body. Nothing. I owed him big time (since he didn’t allow me to pay)…but that’s another story for another time.

“You’re secret’s always been safe with me. Unless you really piss me off,” I teased. He smiled and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I meant that, Rainbow. I just want to see you happy. No matter what,” he said softly. I nodded as I brought my legs up and crossed them under me. I rested my chin on my hands as I let his words sink in.

“He reminds me a lot of Bucky in some ways and yet not. Isn’t that considered sick?” I asked quietly.

“I would think that as long as you don’t call him Bucky in bed you’re alright,” he said.

“Wade!” I warned.

“Kidding. Well, it makes sense since they both came from the 1940s? But I don’t think it’s considered sick. Not unless you are trying to turn him in to Bucky. Then you may need to consult a therapist,” he said. It was my turn to laugh. As weird as what he said was, I didn’t think I could turn Steve into Bucky and it did make sense. They both came from the 1940s. But when it came down to it, I just didn’t know if I felt right doing it.

“Do you like Steve?” he asked.

“What does that-”

“Do you like Steve, Vera? Yes or no?” Wade said sternly. I looked up to his face. He wasn’t making any jokes nor was he smiling. He was serious. _Do I like Steve?_ I thought. Of course I did. We worked together and we worked well together. But this had to be beyond working well with him. I remembered the first day I met him, how he smiled that beautiful smile of his as I gave him my name after he’d introduced himself. How his blue eyes practically sparkled as he’d pay close attention to me as I tried to help him understand the lifestyles and cultures of this century. How out of everyone who was trying to help him adjust, I was the one who he felt most comfortable with because it was like I understood him. I didn’t judge him when he had questions and I was patient. I liked spending time with Steve. He was easy going and fun. He reminded me of Bucky but he wasn’t Bucky. He was someone else entirely. And I liked him. And it scared me.

“I like him, Wade. But I’m scared. I’m scared of him finding out about Bucky and what we were. I’m scared of Steve getting hurt because of all of it,” I whispered. Wade nodded.

“It’s understandable. But one date? Maybe you find there’s a flaw that turns you off. Maybe you both discover there isn’t any chemistry. But one date, Vera. How bad can it be?” he asked. I mulled that over. One date. One date. How bad could that be. I go on a date with him and then find some excuse about why we couldn’t date anymore. It could work.

“Maybe you’re right, Wade. It couldn’t hurt,” I said. A knock at the door startled us. Wade hopped up off the couch.

“Must be the pizza guy,” he chuckled as he went to answer my door. I made myself comfortable when I suddenly heard Wade.

“Vera? Uh, you might want to come here,” he said. I scrunched my face and stood up, making my way to the door. I lifted an eyebrow at Wade as he smiled and I brushed past him to see none other than a confused Steve, wearing a white t-shirt that was taut over his muscles, a black leather jacket, jeans and black boots holding a small bouquet of bright pink lilies.

“Steve?” my voice cracked.

 


	4. Seriously, it's just coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long. I struggled with this chapter and I'm not sure I really like it. But I wanted to get it done so here it is. At some point soon, there may be a jump back to the present day...but I am not sure yet so time will tell. I hope you all are enjoying this.

Steve stood there dumbfounded as he looked at me and then back to Wade, who’d plopped back down on my couch. I closed my door as I crossed my arms.

“I…uh…I just wanted to see if you were ok. You know, since…” he began.

“Steve, I-”

“Is he why you won’t go out with me? He’s your boyfriend? Geez…Vera, you could have just said something,” he began, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. I laughed as I jabbed my thumb back behind my shoulder.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s…he’s Wade. That’s about the only explanation for him,” I giggled. “He’s my friend, from New York and he’s here visiting me.”

Steve lifted an eyebrow as his hand dropped to his side.

“So, you two aren’t-”

“Dear God, no! There is nothing going on between me and Wade,” I said.

“Not even…” he trailed as he made a face. I looked at him, edging him on as I waited for an answer.

“He’s not someone you…um…like warm the bed with?” he asked quietly. It was my turn to lift an eyebrow. It hit me suddenly what he was getting at.

“Oh No! Steve where did you…?” I began and then the answer came to me. “Natasha. I am not sleeping with Wade. I assure you he is nothing more than my friend from New York.”

At that moment, the door flew open as Wade propped himself up in the door frame with a mischievous smirk. Steve paled as I made a face at Wade.

“We’re not together. We’re not fuck buddies either. Just thought I’d help clarify that. She is my best friend though. Break her heart and I’ll bash your head in,” he said. Wade pointed his finger at Steve, clicked his tongue and winked.

“Carry on,” Wade said as he closed the door. I tried not to laugh.

A look of relief crossed his face and I smiled. When he realized I was smiling at him and his reaction, he straightened up.

“I’m sorry. I uh…”

“You’re relieved that I’m not hiding some secret relationship,” I teased him. He blushed bright red and then nodded. He then held the small bouquet out for me.

“These are for you,” he said softly. I accepted them , the plastic wrap crinkling in my hand as I pulled them to me.

“Steve, not that I don’t appreciate the sweet gesture, but why are you here?” I asked. He blushed again as he looked down to his boots, scraping one foot across the floor. I knew what he was thinking and I realized after talking to Wade that maybe I should give it one chance. And then I could find a reason not to continue.

“Listen, I know that here recently I have been making every effort to ask you on a date and I realize that-”

“Yes,” I said.

“I may have-wait, what?” he asked as his blue eyes shot back up to mine. I laughed and nodded.

“I’ve been thinking that maybe I am holding on to silly things from my last relationship. And I might be projecting them onto you. It isn’t fair to you cause you’re not him. So, yes, I’d like to go on a date,” I said. A smile pulled across his face.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I confirmed.

“Good,” he said. I lifted an eyebrow and he shook his head with a laugh. “I mean good as in I’m happy. I really like you, Vera.”

“I like you too, Steve,” I said, feeling the heat creep into my cheeks. It was true. I really did like him.

“Ok. Well, dinner? Maybe after the mission?” he asked. I nodded, still smiling at him.

“We’ll get it figured out,” I said softly. “Thank you for the flowers. I love them.”

“You’re welcome. Uh…see you tomorrow,” he said with a grin as he took a few steps back. I waved to him as I walked back into my apartment to Wade sitting on the couch, grinning like an idiot.

“He’s hot. I really think you two will be the perfect couple. Him America’s sweetest super hero and you, the ravishing rainbow haired woman who corrupts him,” Wade teased.

“Shut up, Wade, or you’ll be sleeping in the alley way,” I snapped. He chuckled as he watched me cross the living room to the kitchen to get a vase.

“For what it’s worth, I really think this is a good thing, Ver. He has good taste,” he said. I smiled as I looked at the bright pink lilies.

“That he does, Wade,” I conceded.

The rest of the evening was nice. Wade and I had our pizza and a few beers while watching The Mechanic and catching up with our lives. It felt good having Wade there and being able to have a piece of home there. If I was really being honest with myself, I was happy that Wade had admitted he just wanted me to be happy and meant it. It was evident in the way he’d reacted earlier when Steve showed up. When we finally fell asleep on the couch it was like when we were hanging out back in New York. Wade was a gentleman (though he’d never admit it) and I was comfortable enough to be asleep next to him and know I was safe.

***

The night of my date with Steve, I had been so nervous. I worried about a myriad of things, about how the date would go and whether or not Steve would become attached immediately or if things would go terribly. I’d even worried about what to wear and what to do with my hair to the point that I worried I was making too big of a deal out of it. But after he came to pick me up for dinner, it suddenly didn’t matter. He was charming and sweet and I was enchanted. He’d picked an Italian restaurant where we carried on what seemed like endless conversations over candle light and red wine. The food was amazing and as the night wore on, I couldn’t remember a time where I’d felt this comfortable. Where I had once thought to find a reason we couldn’t be together suddenly felt like a distant thought. I couldn’t think of any reason why I couldn’t see him anymore. I felt almost sad, like I was betraying Bucky, but I reminded myself that Bucky was gone. And as much as Steve’s mannerisms reminded me of him, Steve was his own person, amazing in his own right. I found myself wanting to take this chance, wanting to move on with my life. As the night drew to a close, Steve took me back to my apartment. As he walked with me to my door, he gently took my hand, a slow cautious gesture of how comfortable he’d become with me.

“Vera, I had an amazing time tonight,” he said.

“Me too, Steve,” I replied as we stood in front of my door. I could sense the nervousness within him and I tried to project a sense of calm. Whether or not he felt it, I wasn’t sure, but I could see in his eyes that he was battling himself. I assumed it was for a goodnight kiss. He was trying to work the nerve up to kiss me. But soon I felt defeat as he sighed and shook his head.

“I’d really like to do this again sometime, if you would be willing,” he said softly as his thumb stroked my knuckles. I nodded as I smiled.

“Ok. Well, I will call you. You have a good night, Vera,” he said as he brought my hand to his lips and kissed the tops of my knuckles. He smiled at me as he let go and turned to walk away. Something about the simple act of kissing my hand made my heart flutter and as I watched him walk away, I knew I would regret losing the chance to tell him what was in my heart if I let him disappear into the night.

“Steve! Wait!” I called to him before he got to the hallway for the elevators. He turned to me with a slight smile.

“Would you like to come in for a moment with me? I want to talk to you,” I said. He lifted an eyebrow as he tried to decipher what I’d actually said.

“Vera, you really don’t have to-I mean I understand. I’m not ready and I don’t want you to-” he stammered. I laughed.

“No really, come in for a cup of coffee. I really need to say something,” I said. He looked about sheepishly.

“Oh…yeah. I can do that. I’m sorry. I think I misinterpreted what you were actually saying. Natasha tried to bring me up to speed about the times and-” he said as he fidgeted,

“First of all, I love Natasha dearly but I’m not asking you to sleep with me. Second, I’m going to kick her ass for making assumptions,” I giggled as I pulled my keys out and unlocked my door. Steve walked back to me, following me into my apartment. He politely closed the door and locked it as I put my purse on the couch and walked to the kitchen.

“Would you like some coffee or tea or anything?” I asked.

“Coffee please…if you are having some as well,” he replied. I nodded as he joined me in the kitchen.

“Here, let me help,” he offered.

“Grab the coffee from the freezer?’ I asked as I opened the coffee maker to put a filter in. He opened the freezer and pulled the coffee canister out. He handed it to me with a wide grin on his face.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he began as he cleared his throat. “Uh…you and I store our coffee in the freezer. And we drink the same coffee.”

I smiled and shook my head. Just another thing to add to the list of reasons of why I couldn’t think of any reason not to date.

“Here, sit,” I said, pointing to the small dinette set. Steve walked over to the table and sat in one of the chairs. I pulled down my sugar shaker from the cabinet and made my way to the fridge for the cream. I grabbed a spoon from the drawer and placed all the items on the table.

“Listen, Steve. Tonight, after our date, I was going to make an excuse on why we couldn’t see each other again. The date was supposed to be a one time deal. But-” I began as I pulled two mugs from the cabinet and turned to face him. Steve cocked an eyebrow, a frown slowly weighing on his face.

“Oh. I get it,” he began. I held up my hand as I made my way to the table to sit.

“Wait. I’m not done. Please let me finish,” I said. “That was before I realized that sitting on our date talking and laughing and getting to know you better that I couldn’t find any reason. I ran out of reasons why we shouldn’t , Steve. I like you. I mean I’ve always liked you, but I mean that I really want to take this a step further. However-”

Steve’s face was practically beaming until he registered the ‘however.’

“There’s a but?” he asked.

“Steve, there are things about my past that I’m not sure you will agree with or even like,” I said as I stood up to pour the coffee. I took a deep breath. “I’m worried these things are going to make it difficult for you to want to be in a relationship.”

“Vera,” Steve began as he stood up and walked to me. He touched my shoulder and I turned to him.

“I know you’ve had a difficult time with men and you’re a super soldier and most of the information is classified. But it doesn’t and hasn’t stopped me from wanting to try. Look, I don’t care about your past,” he said. I handed him his cup of coffee and gestured back to the table.

“But what if something from my past turns up, Steve? What if-” I began but Steve lifted his fingers to my lips. He smiled.

“We will handle it if and when it happens. Vera, I have never wanted anything more than I’ve wanted you. Since I woke from the ice, I wondered if it was too late for anything. For all of it. And then I met you and you were the bright spot in the darkness. I can see you are this positive ray of hope and I can’t help but smile when I see or talk to you. And you are always so patient with me. You’ve helped make this whole transitioning into this life a lot easier. So Vera, I am willing to give this a try. I just hope you feel the same way. I don’t care about what’s in your past,” he said. “I do however, care about you. And I am relieved that you were honest with me.”

I felt my heart sink at his words rolling out of his mouth. I was as honest as I was going to be able to be with Steve. But the fact that I had a thing with his best friend Bucky and that I knew Bucky was alive when Steve thought him dead was a kick in the gut. It was the one reason I had tried to ward off any sort of relationship with him. But it had been 8 years since I last saw Buck. I witnessed Hydra drag his limp, lifeless body way. I couldn’t find his body and even Wade hadn’t been able to find anything on his whereabouts (and Wade was good). I had to make a decision. Either I was going to spend the rest of y life pining away for him (and Lord knows how long that would be) or I was going to remember him always and move on with my life.

“Steve, I am ready for this to evolve into something more. We can just take it slow if that’s what we need. But I can’t find a single reason why we shouldn’t,” I said after a moment. Steve’s smile brightened.

“I’d like that, Vera. I‘d very much like it” he said softly. He leaned closer to me with a surge of confidence as he captured my lips with his in a tender kiss, his hand cradling the back of my head to deepen the kiss. As we pulled away, both breathless, I looked to his eyes and smiled. I was nervous, but excited, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. This was definitely the beginning of something beautiful.


	5. Human Behavior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. I had a difficult time beginning to write this chapter, but once I found the right avenue it took off. Sometimes I try too hard to make things work when I should let go. Comments would be amazing!

A few months after the first date…

The first clap of thunder sent chills down my spine as I smiled. Fat raindrops fell, not quite a torrential downpour but enough that we were going to be wet in moments. Steve had my hand gripped in his as he raced with me alongside him, trying to get out of the rain before we got completely soaked. I giggled as I stopped and tugged on his hand just before we hit the stairs to the entrance of my apartment complex. He stopped running and turned to me, confused as to why I would stop. I pulled his hand, bringing him to me. I gently cupped his cheek and brought my lips to his in a fervent kiss. I didn’t care that I was getting soaked or that lightening was illuminating the sky. I was happy. Steve must have sensed it as he melted into my kiss, his hands wrapping around me to pull me in closer to him. When we broke the kiss, almost breathlessly, he smiled back at me, his hand sweeping up to slide my now wet rainbow hair back and tuck it behind my ear. He then grasped my hand and we walked through the doors, making our way to the elevators. As the door to the elevator closed, Steve immediately turned to me, gently pushing me to the wall as he caught my lips with his. His fingers laced through my hair, tugging my head up to deepen the kiss. He pressed his forehead into mine, breaking the kiss and breathing in deep. The loud chiming of the elevator alerted us to the fact that we were on my floor and we straightened up. It was hard not to smile, especially sensing Steve’s nerves. It’s not that he was uncomfortable with public displays of affection, it was the insinuation of being extremely intimate in public and getting caught with your pants down as he gracefully put it. But there was something bubbling beneath his surface, a different anxiety was swirling within him. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I wasn’t worried. He took my hand and we walked to my door. I fished my keys out from my purse and unlocked it, letting him in. I dropped my purse on the end table by the door as I closed it and locked up behind me, toeing off my wedges. Both of us chuckled at the fact that we were still somewhat dripping from the rain as we made our way to my bathroom to grab some towels.

“So, you like the rain I take it,” he said as he accepted the towel I handed to him.

“Yeah, I do. There’s nothing better than dancing in it,” I said as I pulled a towel out for me and closed the closet. I blotted my face lightly and glanced to the mirror to make sure my makeup wasn’t running. Steve chuckled as he noticed what I was doing.

“You look beautiful. Don’t worry about it,” he said as he ruffled his blond locks with the towel. I laughed as he pulled it away, his hair sticking up in every direction. As he turned to fix it, I reached out my hand and touched his arm.

“Don’t,” I said softly. He turned to look at me, his blue eyes seemed to deepen in the light. “It looks sexy.”

He smiled, but something about the comment or my touch had the anxiety I’d felt in him earlier bubble back up. I tried to project a calming, soothing feeling, hoping he’d pick up on it. I could feel his somewhat tense muscles relax but there was something in his eyes that piqued my interest, almost like he was fighting something internally.

“Steve…can I tell you something?” I asked softly, hoping that something would alleviate what he was feeling. He nodded as he bent down to untie his boots and get out of them.

“I want to share something about me…about some of my super soldier capabilities,” I said. He lifted an eyebrow and pulled off his socks.

“If it’s super strength, I already know,” he teased. I shook my head.

“Remember that night, when you told me that you knew I was a super soldier and the rest was classified?” I asked as I blot dried my hair that had become super wavy.

“You’re really made of sugar and you’re going to melt any minute because of the rain?” he joked.

“No,” I giggled and threw my towel at him. “Steve, there’s a reason why most of the information on me as a super soldier is classified. I have abilities…beyond what’s normal for you.”

He looked at me, confused about what I was actually getting at.

“I’m an empath. I have the ability to sense what people are feeling. It was something I had before becoming a super soldier that became much more heightened after the experiment. Like it doesn’t take much for me to pick up on emotions. I can also manipulate emotion temporarily. Say that you are nervous? I can help calm you. Angry? I can diffuse it to help you think clearly. That sort of thing,” I said. Steve suddenly paled.

“Relax. I can’t read your mind. It’s not like that. But it almost can be,” I continued.

“How so?” he asked.

“I can create connections with other people and myself. These connections allow me to clearly feel everything you’re feeling. I can also directly manipulate how you feel,” I said. I didn’t miss the mortification in Steve’s eyes as he stopped what he was doing, completely focused on what I had to say.

“But I don’t do this without permission from the other person. Only in moments of dire emergency have I done something like that,” I added. He sighed.

“So, you haven’t…?” he asked. I shook my head.

“I don’t have your permission. So no. I’m not like that, Steve. But I wanted to share this with you because I trust you,” I said. Steve nodded, letting my words sink in. Suddenly his eyes lit up at the realization of why I was telling him. I was letting him in on a big secret about me that potentially very few, if not, no other person, knew about. He put his towel on the counter, turning to me and pulling me closer.

“Thank you, for trusting me,” he whispered as he pressed his forehead against mine. I smiled. He brushed his thumb across my full lower lip and as if he couldn’t help himself, sealed his lips over mine. A soft moan escaped me as my hands slipped up the back of his neck and into his hair. He gasped as his hand moved to cradle the back of my neck, deepening the kiss. He pulled away, nearly breathless. His vibrant blue eyes were wild with lust but the lust was quickly replaced my fear. My blue green eyes softened at his gaze, noting the conflict that washed across his face.

“I’m sorry…I…I…” he stammered. I lifted an eyebrow, unsure why he was apologizing. I touched his bicep, lightly brushing my fingers down to his elbow.

“You?” I asked softly, encouraging him on. He sighed, his face compressed as he looked away with embarrassment.

“I’m not…I don’t…I don’t have…” he stuttered out. I smiled and took his hand, suddenly picking up on what he was hesitating with,

“You’re not experienced?” I asked carefully as I caught his gaze. He was mortified but nodded.

“Relax, Steve,” I said. “It’s okay.”

He hissed a sigh between his teeth.

“It’s not okay,” he said slowly. I lifted his hand to my lips and pressed a kiss into his knuckles.

“It is okay. We don’t have to do this tonight. It can wait,” I replied. He looked me over with those innocent Captain America blues and half smiled.

“How do you do that?” he asked.

“How do I do what? Wait?” I asked. He shook his head.

“Make everything okay?” he asked. “Put everyone at ease?”

I giggled as I let go of his hand to push my wet hair behind my shoulders.

“Well…I am an empath,” I teased.

“It’s more than that though. It’s the fact that whenever I am with you, you allow me to be me, without seeing me as Captain America,” he replied. “You have been so patient with me this entire time, with everything. And yet, somehow, you aren’t put off by my ‘lack of experience.’”

“Because you’re human. I see you for who you are, not the persona that you were created for. Sweetheart, we don’t have to do anything if you aren’t ready-”I began. He cut me off with a kiss.

“That’s just it. I am ready. I am ready with you. But I worry about-”

I slipped a finger to his lips and then kissed him again., pressing my forehead to his.

“If you are truly ready, Steve then let your body guide you. It’s something that’s ingrained in you. And when you don’t know, or become overwhelmed, you let me take control and I will guide you the rest of the way,” I whispered. He nodded, practically breathless. He took my hand in his and led me to the bedroom. I could sense his nerves edging their way through him as he clutched the hem of his shirt. He slowly pulled the black shirt up over his head, revealing his well sculpted chest and corded muscles of his abs. I’d seen his godlike abs before but this time, something about this moment made my breath catch in my throat as I took it in. My gaze returned to his bright blues which were fixated on me. I swallowed hard as I reached for the skirt of my blue sundress and pulled it up, trying to be as graceful as possible pulling it over my head. He sucked in a breath at the sight of my royal blue lacy bra and underwear against my fair skin. He dipped in to kiss my neck, his hands hovered just above my breasts as if nervous to touch. He had admitted once back in the 40s about fooling around a time or two but nothing more. Just touching, no sex. It made me wonder if he was afraid to go farther because of his fear of being inexperienced , so I brought my hands to his and pulled them to my breasts. Taking the hint, he gently cupped them, pulling away long enough to witness what he was doing. I smiled and kissed his cheek, pushing my chest out as I reached my hands behind my back to unclasp my bra. He slipped his hands to my shoulders and sliding the straps down either side. I wiggled the bra down further, releasing my breasts from the cups and slinging the bra off to the side. He sucked his lower lip between his teeth a strangled groan caught in the back of his throat as he stroked his thumbs over my pebbled nipples. I gasped at the sensation as he gently pinched one of my nipples between his fingers. He leaned down to suck the other one in his mouth and I cried out as his tongue rolled over it. I could feel the rush between my legs, the bundle of nerves trembling at the apex with each suck and pinch. He released the nipple in his mouth and kissed his way over to the other one as he rolled the abandoned one with his thumb and forefinger. My hands glided up the back of his neck to ruffle the hair on the back of his head and I moaned at the feel of the gentle nip of his teeth on my breast. He caressed his hand down my stomach and in between my legs, to softly brush his fingers on my lace covered mound. He gasped at the slight damp feel to it, pulling away from my breast to watch me writhe as he pressed his fingers in between my lips. I pushed my mound closer to the heel of his hand seeking more friction from him. I could feel his nerves jitter as he pulled his hand away, almost an uncertainty to it. I simply smiled and moved my hands toward his jeans, swiftly undoing the button and zipper, sliding my hand in just over his underwear to cup his bulge. He threw his head back with a groan, all feelings of fear melted away as I kissed him and nipped his lower lip. I pulled my hand away as he began fumbling to slide his pants down his thighs. I strutted over to my bed, sitting at the edge and crossing my legs as he let the jeans pool around his ankles and stepped out of them. I admired the simple black pair of boxer briefs that accentuated his toned physique perfectly against his lightly tanned skin. He smiled mischievously as he lifted an eyebrow.

“Like what you see?” he asked. I wiggled my eyebrows and nodded my head as he knelt down to his jeans and searched his pockets. I wasn’t quite sure what he was doing but I smiled and tried hard not to giggle as he fumbled with his wallet. He produced a square foil packet and I bit my lower lip, gazing to his eyes.

“You are like a boy scout. I see you’ve come prepared,” I mused as he sauntered to me. He tossed the packet down and smiled. I pushed myself up on my hands, uncrossing my legs and sliding further up on to the bed as he leaned over for a kiss. He pressed his lips down every inch of my skin as his fingers hooked into my panties. He kissed just above the scalloped lace as he pulled them off me and discarded them on the floor. He looked me over, completely exposed to him, almost overwhelmed with his first move. I stroked my fingers over the curve of my breast and down my stomach. His hand came down on mine, almost as if he was trying to say he would take it from here as his deft fingers glided over my slit. He released another strangled moan as he felt the wetness seeping from me, collecting it on two of his finger tips and slipping them between my folds. I arched my back and moaned as he circled them around my clit. He pressed his fingers on the already hard and sensitive bud and I hissed, placing my hand on his.

“Not too hard,” I croaked as I slipped my fingers beneath his. He looked at me confused but I just smiled and placed my other hand over his to keep him from moving them. I circled my clit, his fingers over mine as he felt me glide my finger tips over the bud. His breath hitched as he moved my fingers out of the way, following my example and then sliding his fingers to my entrance. He slowly sunk one finger in as if testing the depth, moaning at the feel of how wet I was. He moved the finger back and forth, almost savoring the feel before sinking another finger in. I cried out, bucking my hips up to his hand when he hooked his fingers as he pumped them in and out of me.

“Oh God, Steve!” I whined as he leaned in to kiss me, picking up his pace. I could feel a warm coil deep within my belly winding tighter with each stroke to my sweet spot.

“You feel so good, so tight,” Steve gasped. I could tell he was struggling not to lose it already. I placed my hand on his arm holding him up and worked to project a calming feeling to him. It would have been easier had we had the connection but I would wait until he gave me permission. He looked at me, an almost knowing look in his eyes as he managed to gain control of himself to continue his ministrations. He stroked his thumb over my clit and I felt myself hurtling toward the edge quickly.

“Don’t stop! Steve! Fuck!” I cried out.

“Cum for me, Ver,” he commanded and something in his voice made the tight coil in me snap. I screamed as my world exploded in white, a warm gush of juices running over his fingers buried deep in me. As I came down from my high and my breathing returned to normal, he pulled his fingers out from within me and I whined at the loss. I could hear him moving about on the bed and opened my eyes to see him toss his underwear off the bed and reach for the foil packet. He was both rushing to tear open the foil packet and shaking, from excitement or nerves I wasn’t sure yet. I pushed myself up to sit and placed my hand on his. He chuckled nervously and I took the packet from him.

“Lay down. Take a deep breath, Steve,” I purred as I tore the packet open and pulled the condom out. As he slowly laid himself out beside me, I leaned in to kiss him, deep and longingly.

“I don’t know…I don’t know if I’m…” he stammered and I placed my fingers on his lips.

“I know. It’s a first. Do you trust me?” I whispered. He nodded. I then grasped his cock in my fist and pumped him a couple of times, paying close attention to his body language. He hardened, throbbing a couple of times as I let go and placed the tip over the purpled head. I slowly rolled the condom down his shaft as he panted and groaned. I placed my hand on his thigh, pushing another calming feeling through to him. When his breathing returned to somewhat normal, I moved to straddle him and grasped his hard dick in my fist. I rubbed the tip of his cock in my slick, pushing it past my folds and placing it just at my entrance. I hovered there a moment, watching him as he tried to stifle a moan.

“I don’t know if I’m-”

“Let go, Steve. I’ve got you,” I said softly as I impaled myself on him.

“Oh my…so tight! So…oh God!” he cried out as I bottomed out, sitting completely on his hips as I whined. I paused there, letting myself acclimate to how he stretched me and letting him catch his breath. First times weren’t always meant to last long and sometimes were awkward but I was determined to let Steve come into his own. I placed my hands on his chest and began moving up and down slowly, feeling his dick hit the sweet spot within me. Steve grabbed my hips and used them to move me a bit faster, growling at the feeling of my inner muscles flexing around him.

“Oh my…Oh Fuck!” he cried out. I would have giggled if I wasn’t already wrapped up in the feeling of him moving within me. I felt that familiar twinge in my lower belly.

“Oh fuck, Vera, I can’t! I’m gonna….I’m gonna…”he growled. Before I could tell him to let go, I suddenly was pushed sideways as Steve’s grip tightened on my hips as he flipped us over. I was on my back, buried beneath his thrusts as he was moaning loudly. I cried out as he pounded furiously within me, turned on by his take charge maneuver. I felt his dick pulsing, pushing against that spot as I cried out in surprise as my orgasm crept up on me, him losing control just seconds later, spurting his thick cum within me. He buried his head in my shoulder, struggling to control his erratic breathing and hold himself up so as not to smash me. I waited until my vision cleared enough to look to him, kissing his cheek as he slowly pulled out. I whimpered and he rolled off me and pulled me with him to rest on his chest while he laid on his back. He pressed a kiss to the side of my head as he stroked my shoulder. He drew in a deep breath and released it slowly.

“Was that…good? I know I didn’t-”

“Please don’t finish that. Steve, that was amazing,” I said as I moved to prop myself up on my elbow. “It was your first time. You know what they say Rogers.”

He lifted his eyebrow.

“Practice makes perfect,” I giggled. He laughed and nodded.

“I just want to make sure that-”

“I am more than satisfied, Steve. And I am excited to explore more with you…that is if you-”

He pressed his lips to mine as if he read my mind.

“It took me this long to convince you to be with me. You really think I’m going to toss this away to explore with someone else?” he asked.

“It’s just that-”

“I know what you are thinking. Vera, I’m not going to ghost you and I’m not some guy who is going to become some sex crazed fiend who needs to find out what else is out there,” he began. “What I’m trying to say is…Vera, not to scare you off or freak you out, but I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

I let his words sink in as I thought about it. I wanted to say it was too soon, but who was I kidding? Steve and I had spent so much time together since before we started dating that I realized I had fallen for him. It was why this had been so complicated. But being here with him now, I knew I felt the same.

“I love you too, Steve,” I said as I nuzzled his neck and cuddled closer into him. “But we’re going to have to talk about that foul mouth of yours.”

***

Another month later…

 

“Avery!” Nick Fury barked. I cringed inwardly, knowing that tone all too well.

“Get in my office right now!” he yelled. I turned back and walked into his office, closing the door behind me. I knew his tone well enough to know this warranted privacy.

“Yes Director Fury?” I asked as I moved closer to his desk. He was busy looking at some packet of papers as I approached, so how the hell he knew it was me walking by his office I’ll never know.

“What is this I hear about you and Captain Rogers becoming romantically involved?” he asked without looking up. My heart sank and my gut churned. Steve and I had been working to keep things quiet while maintaining a professional relationship. Fury hadn’t liked the idea of Steve liking me, let alone the notion of us getting involved. He felt it posed distractions and clouded judgment.

“Are you having me followed or bugging me?” I asked carefully as I folded my arms. Fury looked up from his papers with his one eyed glare.

“I know things, Avery. Now cut the crap,” he snapped.

“Well, sir, what have you heard?” I asked, not phased by his retort. He grunted as he threw his paperwork down.

“I know you and Rogers have been dating for a little while now. I also know you both have been trying to keep it quiet,” he said with a shrug. I sighed and shook my head.

“If you knew then why are you asking?” I asked.

“Because you disobeyed a direct order, Vera,” he said. I narrowed my eyes ay him.

“I know you dislike coworkers dating, Nick, but I don’t seem to recall you ordering me not to date anyone. And besides, in the length of time we’ve been keeping it a secret, haven’t you noticed that Captain Rogers and I are able to still work together professionally?!” I snapped.

“I have noted it. I am still asking you why,” he replied. I’d known Director Fury for quiet sometime. Either he was about to explode on me or he was making a point. Both were almost one in the same.

“I have gone beyond your dislike of dating coworkers, but I have not disobeyed a direct order, sir,” I said. Nick sighed, rubbing his forehead and pinching the bridge of his nose. He then pulled open a desk drawer and pulled a file out, plopping it in front of me on the desk. I recognized the file. It was a well worn jacket and the contents inside, most laminated for preservation since the documents had aged. I felt the sting in my heart and the needle like prickling in my nose but drew in a deep breath. I hadn’t seen the file in quite sometime but the subject matter still affected me.

“Have you forgotten about your mission, Agent Avery?” he asked. As if I could forget. I had just started pushing the memory and guilt aside to move on with my life and be with Steve.

“No, sir. I haven’t. But it’s been over 8 years now,” I said softly.

“You realize who the Winter Soldier is to Captain Rogers, right, Agent Avery?” he asked. I could feel his eye on me, searching for any emotion. Fury only knew the bare minimum of the “relationship” I’d had with the Winter Soldier. It was an accidental discovery to say the least. I felt a lump form in my throat as I struggled to swallow it down.

“Yes, sir,” I said as evenly as possible. I’d known Bucky was Steve’s best friend. Hell I’d known because I lived it. It didn’t make anything less complicated.

“With all due respect, Director Fury,” I began slowly and carefully. “Captain Rogers still believes that Bucky Barnes is dead,” I said. Nick’s gaze softened a bit.

“What do you believe, Vera?” he asked.

“It’s been years, sir. The last mission I had trying to extract him, I witnessed Hydra drag his limp body away. I have no leads on the whereabouts of his body, nor do I…”my voice cracked and I drew in a deep breath, hoping to stifle the tears I felt. “I have no reason to believe that Barnes is alive.”

Nick nodded as he looked away…whether it was because of the emotion stirring in me or the fact that he wasn’t pleased, I didn’t know.

“Please believe that I am not trying to do anything to compromise my mission or cause trouble. I am simply human, Nick,” I said softly.

“I never assumed you were, Avery,” he began. “But did it have to be Rogers?”

I glared at him.

“If you are so against this then you haul him in here and tell him why it’s over! I’m not going to do it!” I snapped. Nick lifted his finger at me but backed off whatever rant he was about to go on. He then shook his head and sighed, sitting back in his chair.

“Fuck! Fine, Agent Avery. But tell me, what are we going to do about this?” he snapped back.

“Well, Rogers already assumes Barnes is dead. I suggest letting sleeping dogs lie. There isn’t any need for him to know,” I said. My gut sank at those words but I knew it was the right thing to do. Steve already took so much blame into himself that there wasn’t any need for anymore.

“And if Steve happens to find this out?” he asked.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” I said. Fury then nodded his head.

“So be it. We’ll cross when we get there,” he agreed.

“Is that all sir?” I asked.

“You may go,” he said, waving me on. As I moved to open the door, his voice came again.

“Agent Avery?”

I turned to face him again.

“It’s about damn time,” he chided with a shit eating grin on his face. I sighed in relief as I shook my head and let myself out. Leave it to Nick to be angry when I broke the rules but damn proud at the same time when I did.

 


	6. Apologies mean nothing if you're gonna do it again...

_Present Day, Avenger’s Compound_

I woke with my head on my arms on the kitchen table. I groaned as I began to move, attempting to stretch the stiffness out from napping hunched over on the table. When I was able to sit up fully with my muscles still screaming, I glanced to the clock on the microwave. A quarter to six. I’d dozed for an hour, maybe less. I couldn’t remember when I’d finally closed my eyes. The events from the conflict with Bucky were still the foremost thoughts in my head. I stretched my arms up and shook my head. We were back to square one and I was sure things would be awkward for awhile. I glanced to the balcony window. The sun had yet to breach the sky but the lightened purple let me know dawn wasn’t far behind. I decided that doing some yoga stretches would help work out the rest of the stiffness and allow me the opportunity to clear my head somewhat as I stood to make my way outside.

After a few stretches, I slipped into our bedroom where Steve was still sleeping soundly. Usually, Steve was up around 5 but I’d managed to convince him to sleep in every so often. Lord knew he needed it with everything that had been going on; a few back to back missions and trying to help Bucky with his PTSD. I discarded my shirt and yoga pants and kneeled on the end of the bed. I tugged at the sheets, sliding them down his fit, deliciously naked body without even disturbing him. He looked peaceful and vulnerable as I took the sight of him in, licking my lips as my gaze settled on his semi hard dick slightly curled up on his lower abdomen. I felt myself grow wet at the thought of him throbbing inside me. I crawled up his legs on all fours, careful to not disturb him as he softly snored. I reached out my hand, gliding my fingers up his smooth shaft. He didn’t stir as I gently slipped my hand around it, bringing it to my lips. My tongue licked along the tip and just below the velvety head as a soft moan caught in the back of his throat. I smiled just before I sucked the head into my mouth, hollowing out my cheeks as I took as much of him as I could into my mouth. He stirred, his cock growing harder as I knew his dream had taken a turn with his hips gently thrusting up to push in further. I moaned just as he reached the back of my throat, breathing to relax my gag reflex to allow him down further.

“Ooooooohhhhh!” Steve called out as I drew him out of my mouth and sucking him back in. I set a slightly quicker pace, sucking him a little harder. My free hand moved to cup his sac, massaging it around as I felt his dick harden. His hands slide down his body to grip his dick, his eyes fluttered open as he found my mouth wrapped around him. He cupped my face in both his hands, caressing my cheeks as I quickened the pace.

“Fuuuuuuck baby girl, your mouth is amazing,” he groaned as I continued, slurping at his cock with my fast pace. His hands suddenly pulled my mouth up and away and I let go of his cock with an audible pop. I crawled the rest of the way up his body, straddling him as I leaned in to kiss him. He eagerly grasped his dick, stroking it along my wet slit, gathering my slick along the tip as he stroked my clit. I moaned into his mouth, nipping his lower lip and pulling away.

“Good morning, Captain,” I cooed.

“Mmmm…good morning gorgeous,” he rasped as he pumped his dick and aligned it with my entrance. He thrust his hip up, pushing into me slowly as I cried out. He was stretching me, struggling a little to get his dick fully into me. He gripped my hips and brought me down, slamming into me as I screamed.

“Aaaah! Steve…fuuuuuuuck!” I whined acclimated myself to the fullness of him within me.

“Fuck you feel soo good baby, so tight and wet around me,” he said as he flexed, feeling my muscles squeeze and tense around him. I felt a sudden sharp smack to my ass cheek and I squealed and moaned at the sensation. He gasped as my pussy spasmed around him and slapped my ass again. Both of us cried out as I began to ride him, sliding up and down his thick length, feeling him hit my sweet spot over and over again. He grabbed my hips again and thrusted into me, slamming himself all the way into the hilt.

“Fuuuucckkk, Steve! Fuuuuuck me, please!” I cried out as he quickened his pace. I felt the familiar warmth in my lower belly unfurling and stretching out. He slid one of his hands down to stroke my clit as he continued thrusting in me. I could feel the edges of my orgasm building steadily with his ministrations. His other hand lifted and came down to smack my other ass cheek, returning back to my hip to hold me steady. I threw my head back at the sensations overwhelming me. I was so close and he knew it as he pulsed his finger on my clit.

“Cum for me, Vera. Fucking cum all over my cock,” he growled and that was all it took.

“Steve!” I keened just as my vision lit up with white stars as my orgasm washed over me. I cried out a string of profanities as I pulsed around him, feeling a warm rush all over his dick and wetness between us. He pulled me down to his chest as he rolled us over, leaving me pinned beneath him in the bed as he thrusted through my orgasm. I squirmed and cried out, my cunt still so sensitive but responding to him as I began building on my second orgasm. I looked to his blue eyes, seeing they had darkened with lust as he growled. He reached one arm down and gripped my leg, moving it up into the crook of his elbow as he tried to open me wider to him. He continued pounding away ferociously into me at a bruising pace as he drove himself in as deep as he could.

“Yes! Steve! Don’t stop!” I whined, feeling myself dancing along that edge as his cock stroked along that spot within me.

I could feel his cock begin to pulse as his thrusts became erratic.

“Baby girl, I can’t hold…FUUUUCK!” he cried out. He came spurting his thick cum spurting deep within me as I came screaming just behind him, my pussy clenching down on his throbbing dick. Both of us were panting and out of breath as he rolled off and landed beside me, pulling me to his chest to cuddle me as we tried to return our breathing to normal. He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered as he stroked my shoulder with his finger tips. I smiled, pressing a kiss to his chest.

“I love you, too,” I whispered back.

_I’m still in love with you, doll…_ I heard Bucky’s disembodied voice as I recalled last night and my heart sank. I tried to shake it off and forget about it. I couldn’t have them both at the same time and I was happy with Steve. But it didn’t stop my heart from breaking knowing that Bucky was in pain watching me and Steve together. But I had to believe he would heal. It was just going to take time.

“Hey, Ver, you still with me,” Steve asked, snapping me from my thoughts. I looked up to him and smiled.

“Yeah. I’m just tired. Long night and I didn’t sleep well,” I said.

“Buck ok?” he asked. I yawned and nodded.

“He just had another nightmare. He was up writing when I came in. He talked a little and then assured me he was ok, just was trying to work through it,” I replied. I hated the fact that I was somewhat lying to Steve, but what exactly was I going to do? Tell him that Bucky still loved me and that I was wondering if we could all share?

“Sam said it is a good sign Bucky is handling some of his nightmares on his own. He’s starting to be able to identify his actual memories from the things his mind makes up,” Steve said.

“Yeah, it‘s good,” I replied. Steve kissed my forehead again.

“Come on. Let’s go rinse off,” he suggested as he sat up and got off the bed. He extended his hand to me and I accepted it, getting off the bed and heading to the shower with him.

Once Steve and I had rinsed off (and had another steamy session in the shower), we dressed for training. Steve headed out to take a short run with Sam before training and I made my way to the kitchen for some water before I decided to do some pilates. I reached up in the cabinet for my water bottle hearing movement at the kitchen entrance. I turned my head as I pulled down the water bottle, noting Bucky leaning in the door way in a pair of black athletic shorts and a red shirt. He had his arms crossed as he watched me filling my water bottle. I could tell he was mesmerized by the fluidity of my movements in my black yoga shorts and teal tank top. But beyond the stare, I knew he was working something out in his mind. His light blue eyes gave him away.

“Morning, Bucky. Are you feeling any better?” I asked. He nodded, his jaw rigid. I knew he wasn’t angry but he was fighting not to say something. He drew in a deep breath and pushed away from the wall.

“I didn’t go back to sleep, but I’m ok. Just came down to grab some water before hitting the gym…or something,” he replied.

“Yeah. Gonna get a workout in myself. Steve’s out with Sam,” I said.

“I know,” he said as he glanced away. I nodded my head, clutching my water bottle and walking out of the kitchen.

“Well, have a good workout,” I said. His metal hand grasped my wrist, gently pulling me back.

“Vera, about last night. I wanted to say I’m sorry. It wasn’t right, I shouldn’t have done that and I shouldn’t have just dismissed you. This isn’t easy for me,” he said. “But it’s no excuse and I’m sorry.”

I patted his metal arm and drew in a deep breath. I wasn’t sure how I should respond to it so I said what came to mind.

“It’s okay, Buck. I understand it isn’t easy. But we don’t have to revisit this. We’re good,” I said half heartedly. I tried to pull away, but his metal hand held fast, pulling me back into his chest.

“It’s not okay. And I can tell we’re not good. You forget, doll, I know when you’re not telling the truth or hiding something,” he said.

“Bucky, I don’t want to do this right now. Let me go,” I said as evenly as I could.

“Not until I know you and I are truly okay, Ver,” he said.

“We’re fine, Buck. But we won’t be if you don’t let me go,” I snapped as I continued to struggle against him I knew I didn’t stand a chance to get my wrist loose but I hoped he would let go. He didn’t. Instead he pulled me in closer to him, his flesh hand cupping my face as his lips crashed into mine for a bruising kiss. My body reacted to him again, my lips kissing back, surrendering to him. He let go of my wrist and pressed me up against the wall, his lips still latched on to mine as his metal hand reached for my ponytail. He pulled my head back to deepen the kiss, his tongue eagerly meeting mine, exploring my mouth. As we pulled away, his forehead pressed to mine, catching our breaths, his hand stroking my cheek. I could feel the emotions and confusion stirring within me. There were tears stinging the back of my eyes as once again I had succumbed to the feelings I still had for Bucky while still in love with Steve.

“I’m still in love with you, detka. Please don’t tell me that you don’t feel it too,” he whispered. I inhaled a trembling breath but didn’t say anything. I refused to start crying and I could feel anger flowing within my veins. Anger at Bucky for stirring these feelings; anger at the fact that I couldn’t have them both; anger for lying to Steve this morning; anger with myself for not finding Bucky sooner, for not knowing he was alive. I was also angry that I couldn’t seem to control myself.

“Vera?” Bucky asked, concern lacing his voice. I opened my eyes to his ice blues, nearly black with his desires. He let go of me, stepping back so I wasn’t pressed against the wall. Before I could stop myself, I slapped Bucky across the face. He gasped as he clutched his stinging cheek.

“Vera?” he called out as I turned to run away.

“Don’t fucking follow me, James!” I yelled as I darted out the door and to the elevator. The door opened after I pressed the button and I rushed in, slapping the button to close the door.

“Miss Avery?” FRIDAY’s disembodied voice asked.

“Gym floor please FRIDAY,” I called out, slamming my back against the wall, fighting back tears.

“Yes m’am. Shall I call someone for you?” she asked.

“No. Thank you, FRIDAY. I just need to go work out. Please do not tell anyone I’ll be in my private studio and alert me when training begins,” I said.

“Certainly, Miss Avery,” she said as the elevator doors opened to the gym level. I walked off and headed to my private studio to attempt a workout. Not only was I angry, but I felt guilty because I had betrayed Steve again.

 


	7. All Fall Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took such a long time. I started out having difficulties writing this chapter in particular...and then I had a lot of stuff in my life that happened and I just wasn't in a place where I felt like I could write at the moment. But once I collected myself and got some things worked out, I started trying to write this again. And I still had trouble writing this to the point of frustration. So I just said fuck it and wrote what came to mind. Some of this is still very raw...but you know, it frustrated me so much that I can't look at it anymore. So here it is, hopefully you guys still enjoy it and I am going to get to work on the next chapter. I will try not to take a long time. Inspiration for this came from the Winter Soldier theme from CA: TWS. Enjoy.

_5 years ago, Washington, DC_

 

Two years…two years since Steve and I had gotten into a relationship. We were a great team, working for SHIELD and taking on the Avengers initiative. Finally Director Fury had eased up on the idea that we would become each others distractions on missions. Hell, he even became happy that we both seemed happy and settled. And then in an instant it seemed, everything changed. After our mission on the Lemurian Star, a series of events that could not have been anticipated occurred. Nick Fury was hunted down, shot, and killed. Steve, Natasha and I watched helplessly as he died on the operating table while struggling to piece together who had committed this act. A few details later, I had come to a horrifying conclusion: I knew who the killer was. But it was impossible. At least that’s what I told myself over and over again. It wasn’t until I left the hospital that I realized my worst nightmare had come to life in a text message that I hadn’t realized Nick had sent me.

**He’s alive! The Winter Soldier is alive!**

And just like that, my mission I once thought over was reactivated. It was what lead me here, on the highway in a car with Sam, Steve, Natasha, and Jasper Sitwell. Jasper had confessed to what Project Insight was (with a little persuasion from Nat) and had confirmed the suspicions that I and every director I had served under had: HYDRA had infiltrated SHIELD. As I sat next to Jasper, the angry thoughts seething within me, I fought to not wring his scrawny neck. He was part of the reason Fury had died and I knew he had something to do with the Winter Soldier…the torture of Bucky Barnes for the sake of HYDRA’s power plays. Suddenly, a thump was heard on the roof of the car, Jasper’s window shattered and Natasha and I watched in horror as Jasper was pulled out the window and thrown into oncoming traffic. Natasha scrambled for her gun as shots were fired in. Both of us managed to dodge the bullets, Natasha rolling into the passenger seat and into Steve’s lap. Steve grabbed the shift stick and pushed the car into park, immediately bringing the car to a skidding halt. We watched as the man with the metal arm was thrown from the roof, tumbling and then slowing himself down with his metal fingers scratching into the pavement to a stop.

“Vera!” Steve cried.

“I’m ok!” I cried as the Winter Soldier stood. Traffic frantically rushed around us trying to avoid a collision. My heart skipped a beat as I watched him. The car suddenly lurched forward as another car plowed into us from behind, pushing us into the path of the soldier. He leapt up onto the roof of the car his feet breaking out the back window as he landed. I shielded myself from the glass shards. Sam slammed on the breaks in an attempt to try and stop the SUV that still was pressed against the bumper. The Winter Soldier plunged his metal arm through the windshield as he grabbed the steering wheel and pulled it straight out of the car. He then jumped onto the hood of the SUV, almost gracefully like an acrobat. The SUV eased off, only to rev up to slam into the back of us again, this time causing us to lose control of the car.

“Vera!” Steve screamed out.

“I’m ok! Get out!” I cried back, grasping the back passenger side door handle and willed a surge of energy through me and into the door. I flew out of the car, curling myself into the door as it skidded on the highway. Just seconds later, I watched as the car hit the median and rolled in mid air as Steve busted the door out, grasping on to Natasha and Sam. Sam wasn’t as on the door as Steve and Natasha and I watched as he rolled on the highway. I scrambled to get up and rushed to Sam. He was ok, bumped but alive.

“Vera!” Steve cried as he ran to me, Natasha in tow. He enfolded me in his arms just as I saw the SUV stop and the men in black tactical uniforms get out, the Winter Soldier pulling a gun. I pushed away from Steve.

“Take Natasha and Sam and get out of here. Get as many civilians to safety as you guys can-” I began.

“Vera-I-” he began as I put a finger to his mouth and turned him around to see the gun aimed for us.

“I was trained for this. Trust me! Now Go!” I screamed as I pushed Natasha out of the way. The Winter Soldier fired a shot at Steve as he put his shield up, flying off the over pass with the sheer force of impact of the grenade. I heard crashing on the ground below as the men began shooting. I hoped Steve was ok as I watched Nat and Sam scurry for protection. I was about to do something I had not done in combat before and I knew that later, if we got out of this alive, I was going to have to answer for a lot. I took shelter behind a parked car and lifted my hands, feeling the force of energy I was summoning surge through me. I stood and pushed the energy forward to slow the impending bullets. I strained to stop them and drop them, satisfied when I heard the metal tinkling on the pavement. Natasha tried to get a few shots off as the Winter Soldier launched another grenade in her direction. I watched her leap off the over pass as the grenade exploded on the car beside her. Years of training with her had told me that she would land safely on her feet. It what she was trained to do. I resumed my focus on the men, pushing my hands in front of me to unleash another wave of kinetic power and watching as the men were blown off their feet and on their asses. I knew I couldn’t keep up the big energy bursts like this lest it would drain me too quickly. I lowered my hands and pulsed my power to propel me into the air. I felt the familiar flutter of muscles in my shoulders as my black, oil slicked rainbow raven wings emerged mid flip, stretching out just in time for me to land gently on my feet. The Winter Soldier hesitated and I took the opportunity to open my energy and latch onto him, like an invisible rope. I yanked and pulled him to me, my fist met his jaw as he teetered back, still bound by my power. I then pushed my power forward, slamming him into the SUV. He slumped down the side and onto the highway, stunned. I knew it wouldn’t stop him long, but it gave me the moment I needed to take care of his lackeys. I took to the sky, my wings flapping as I went after them. The few that had managed to reorient themselves began scrambling as I dove in, pushing a couple over the over pass. I latched my invisible rope to another and flung him into the side of the overpass. A few gunshots rang out behind me as I landed and I turned to see another couple of men fall dead. I turned to see Sam aiming for the last few as he yelled, “Go! I’ve got this!”

I nodded as I turned to see the Winter Soldier charging me. I sprinted toward him, my arms outreached to lock onto him. I used my energy to latch onto his metal arm as we collided, struggling to keep his hand from gripping me to crush me. I pulled us up, flying us both over the over pass. He flailed to try and gain control as I flew us away from the civilians fleeing the immediate area. I felt him swing himself up as I looked down to see him try to kick me. I lifted us higher and swung him out to avoid the kick. I then pushed him down as I let go. He dropped at an increased rate, slamming into the ground below. I landed a few feet away from him, turning in time to see him peel himself off the ground, shaking his head as he steadied himself on his feet. I approached him, ready to slug him. He looked at me, confused, almost like he was trying to place where he’d seen me. My wing retracted back into my shoulders as I took a step forward. I was about to call his name as I reached out my hand when I saw a flash of red from my peripheral vision. Natasha pushed herself up and off a car to land on his shoulders, pulling her tension rope from her boot and up around his neck to strangle him.

“Nat! NO!!” I cried as I lunged forward, trying to slip my hand between the rope with his hand and his neck to pull back. Instead, I feel forward onto him as he launched back to hit the car, trying to knock her off. She was taken by surprise as her grip loosened and he grasped her ankle, flinging her across to another car. He then firmly grasped my shoulder, lifting me up and flinging me away and into the concrete. I struggled to regain my footing as I watched him pull his rifle and take aim.

“Tasha!” I cried but it was too late. I watched in horror as he fired and she went down. I scrambled to my feet, chasing after him. Just as he jumped up onto the car hood where Natasha had gone down and hid, I unleashed my wings again and took a flying leap at him. I grabbed on to his arm and lifted him off. I slammed him into another parked car, dislodging the rifle from his grip and flung him into another car on the other side. He slid down to the pavement as I landed in front of him. I retracted my wings again, stepping forward with my hand outstretched.

“Stop!” I commanded. “Ty menya znayesh’, lyubish."*

That made him stiffen as he got to his feet. He looked at me, those ice blue eyes searching for the answer to who I was. He knew me and I could tell as he allowed me closer to him, my hand reaching for his mask. Just before I could completely close the distance between us, a flash of blue barreled between us, pushing the Winter Soldier away. I turned to see Steve punching him and ducking as he swung back. My heart nearly stopped as I realized that if that mask came off, Steve would find out who he was. I took after them, using my energy to try and push them apart. It only worked for a moment as the both of them resumed their punching, kicking and ducking dance. I continued intervening, trying not to get the snot beat out of me from either of them, all while trying to get some civilians out of the way of danger. Steve kept trying to push me out of the way, but I just continued to shove him out as well, trying to get back into this and move him so I could wake him. But I ended up getting back handed by the Winter Soldier and ended up on the ground. I tried to regain my senses quickly, but not before Steve butted in once more to fight him. As I stood, willing the dizziness to subside, my jaw dropped at the sight before me. Steve had managed to knock the Winter Soldier down. I saw the mask roll on the ground and I gasped as he turned, revealing his true identity. I turned to Steve who had heard me gasp and took in the horrified expression on my face. He looked at me, puzzled, and then glanced back to the Winter Soldier. His face fell and I could see by that look he’d seen a ghost.

“Bucky?” Steve asked. The soldier took a step back, confused

“Who the hell is Bucky?!” he asked gruffly. He then glanced to me, his eyes suddenly giving way to recognition. “Vera?”

I started toward Bucky, knowing that the closer I got, the more he’d snap out of his conditioning. But I couldn’t get to him in time as Sam chose that moment to come crashing out of the sky and into Bucky. As he rolled and tried to regain composure, a grenade went off on a car nearest to him and we all turned to see a staggering Natasha with a grenade launcher. I turned back but noted that Bucky had disappeared. I turned back to Steve, who looked extremely confused and disappointed all at once. As I opened my mouth to speak, black SUV’s encircled us, the STRIKE team jumping out and yelling at us to get down on the ground. I turned away from Steve as I got to my knees, my hands rested on the back of my head. I could still feel his betrayed blue eyes boring into me as I was handcuffed. My worst nightmare had started unraveling and left me with a gnawing feeling in my gut. This was the end. He would never forgive me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *you know me, love


	8. Coming Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this seemingly took forever. So much has occurred in the last year...I had my first baby and I completely lost interest in writing during the pregnancy. After battling with PPD and feeling like I am losing myself, I started writing in small increments, which I have to say has helped my sanity. I want to continue this project, as well as some other things I have been working on. I am hoping to get to it soon as it's been stressful finding time to do all this. Thank you for your patience. Comments are always welcomed and highly encouraged. I need your feedback to help keep me going!

As we entered the “sanctuary” under ground, I helped Natasha carry her weight. She needed immediate medical assistance as she’d already lost a lot of blood. But she was a trooper. I turned to Maria Hill and smiled.  
“Thank you,” I said..  
“No problem. I knew you guys were bound to get into some sort of trouble,” she teased. She could joke all she wanted but if it hadn’t been for her, STRIKE would have put a bullet in all our heads. I glanced to Steve, who still wouldn’t look at me, hadn’t since we were arrested.   
“He’ll come around, Ver,” Natasha whispered. I looked to her pallid face as she tried to crack a smirk.  
“I want to believe you…but I don’t think so this time,” I said softly.  
“Vera, he fought for so long and this hard to get you. You really think he’s just going to let you go?” she hissed, wincing. I sighed.  
“This was big, Nat. I knew his best friend was the Winter Soldier and I-”  
“You were protecting Steve. He didn’t need anymore heartache,” she said. I felt tears sting my eyes but fought to keep them at bay. I didn’t have time for that.   
“Come on. We need to get you a doctor,” I huffed as we shuffled along. Suddenly there were footsteps running toward us.  
“Is she hurt?” a man’s voice asked.  
“Yes,” Steve said. “She needs a doctor. She’s lost a lot of blood.”  
“Bring her to me,” the man’s voice said. Just as I started making my way to him to follow, Maria’s voice rang out, “She’s gonna want to see him first.”  
We stopped in our tracks and turned to Maria, who looked as calm and collected as ever as she brushed past us.  
“Follow me,” she said. We all looked at each other and shrugged, following her to a hall with plastic hanging all around for what appeared to be makeshift rooms. She drew back the plastic curtain to one as we drew closer to see a man laying on a hospital bed hooked up to monitors. Natasha and I both gasped as we realized the man was Nick Fury and he was alive.  
“It’s about damn time,” he grunted as we all filed into the makeshift room. I walked Natasha over to a chair in the corner, helping to lower her down.  
“But how? We saw you die,” Natasha said.  
“What you saw was my heart slowing down and my body temperature lowering by way of a drug Banner developed to help calm the other guy. Didn’t work for him, but we found a use for it,” he said.  
“You could have told us!” Natasha cried, looking between both Fury and Maria. Nick sighed.   
“We couldn’t. It needed to look authentic,” he grumbled. “Plus I wasn’t sure of who I could trust…until now that is.”  
The look Fury gave me with his one good eye indicated he could have trusted me, but fear of me being caught lead to dangerous territory. I was in enough trouble as it was. The room was silent for the moment as everyone took in his words and thought about that.  
“So now what?” Steve asked, breaking the silence. Nick cleared his throat gently, wincing as he did.  
“Now we have a mission to complete. We need to get into try and salvage what’s left of SHIELD-” he began.  
Steve and I shook our heads. I glanced to him to see him look to me but glance away quickly.  
“There is no salvaging any of it, Nick. Especially SHIELD,” Steve said.  
“There’s too much intertwined to know what could be saved and what is still infiltrated. Steve’s right, Nick. It has to go,” I said softly. I heard Steve quietly snort at my words and I fought not to acknowledge that, though my heart ached at what I had done. I couldn’t blame him for being mad or whatever he was right now. And trying to yell at him to reason with him wouldn’t help.   
“Fine. We come up with a plan. One we can all agree on,” he said, his last words pointed at Steve and me. “In the meantime, you guys need to get to the infirmary unit to get checked out and cleaned up.”  
I helped the man who’d followed us in to help Natasha stand so he could begin working on her. Sam took over helping almost carry her. Steve turned to look at me as he stopped just short of the plastic curtain.   
“Rogers, you go, get examined and see if you can help Romanov. Not you Avery. You stay behind,” Fury directed. With that, Steve nodded and left the room as I turned to face Nick. Maria came back into the room with two files in hand, one I recognized and the other I didn’t. She handed them to Nick and turned to leave, gripping my arm gently on the way out and whispering that it would be ok. I nodded.  
“Report,” he said. I sighed.  
“Barnes got away, sir. I couldn’t get him contained quick enough. Captain Rogers and Agent Romanov pursued, despite my orders that I could handle him,” I said. I knew Fury had wanted him apprehended but there would have been too many questions.  
“You know why Rogers didn’t leave you to this, right?” he asked. I nodded again.  
“Because we’re involved, sir,” I said softly. He chuckled.  
“No Ma’am. Because it isn’t in him. Vera, it wouldn’t have mattered if it was you or Romanov or anyone else. He wouldn’t have left you though he knows exactly what you’re capable of,” he said.  
“And now he knows there’s more than meets the eye,” I said. Fury lifted an eyebrow. “He now knows the identity of the Winter Soldier, sir. Our mission is compromised.”  
Nick sighed heavily, wincing as he did. A few busted ribs would do that.   
“The mission no longer matters. SHIELD has fallen and it was only a matter of time before Steve found out, Vera,” he said. I looked to the ground. I’d known but I wasn’t ready. Not for this.  
“Vera?” he asked. I glanced back up into his one eye. I could tell I wasn’t in trouble. Out of all the directors I had, Fury had been the best. He trusted me. He knew I’d been around and was a wealth of knowledge. Something in his gaze alluded to me that he didn’t envy what would yet take place, but he knew I could do it.  
“It’s time,” he said. I moved closer to the bedside and grasped his free uninjured hand as gently as I could. His grasp tightened.  
“You are hereby dismissed from your duties. Though we may not officially work together anymore, I will always be here for you. Think of me as that annoying brother you never wanted,” he chuckled. I giggled and nodded back, fighting back tears.   
“I look forward to it,” I said. He let go of my hand and took the files on the bed and handed them to me.  
“Go. Rogers will want answers. You two need a little time to sort this out,” he said. I nodded. I wasn’t ready for this discussion, but this was something that I had worried would happen since we became involved. I feared it was already over. As I turned to walk away from Fury’s bedside, he called my name again. I turned around to face him, attempting a brave face.  
“Give Steve the benefit of the doubt. He really is head over heels for you. I don’t think he’ll let you go that easily,” he said. And just like that, I knew Fury had been paying close attention all along. I drew in a deep breath.  
“Yeah. We shall see,” I said as I turned and exited the makeshift hospital room. I barely made it into the hallway as I glanced to a figure walking towards me. Steve looked determined and exhausted all at once as he stopped a foot away from me and crossed his arms. His golden hair was mussed and the bruises on his face appeared much darker in the dim lighting. But his blue eyes, though distraught, held a look of hopefulness. At least that’s what I thought I saw.   
“How’s Natasha?” I asked softly.  
“She’s banged up pretty bad, but she’s getting stitched up and is going to make it,” he answered.  
“Are you okay?” I asked. He nodded.  
“I should be asking you that,” he said. I felt my breath hitch as I processed what he just said. I wasn’t expecting that.   
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m still pissed you didn’t tell me about this. About who you really are or that Bucky is alive. But I still care about you, Vera,” he said.   
“We should talk then,” I said, taking his hand and leading him down the hall to another empty room. As we settled in I tried to gather myself quickly. I walked over to the empty hospital bed, placing the folders on it and propping my hands on the mattress as I drew in a couple deep breaths. I knew where I needed to begin. There was so much that needed to be said but I knew we would have little time together.   
“In order for you to understand what the hell happened, I need to tell you about my story first. But I need you to understand, Steve, we can’t go into detail about everything. We just don’t have time and we have a mission to complete. But,” I began as I turned to face him. He was sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, arms crossed, patiently listening.   
“I am hoping these files that Fury gave to me help fill in some of the gaps. Everything else…I’m more than happy to answer. Later,” I finished.  
“Is this what you meant about the things about your past that wouldn’t sit well with me? Is Bucky part of that?” he asked. I wanted to look away. My heart ached that Steve felt like I betrayed him by hiding that. But I couldn’t hide anymore and he deserved to know. I nodded.  
“Yes” I answered. “But I need you to know that the reason I never told you wasn’t because I wanted to lie. Steve, Bucky was my mission.”  
“How?” he asked.  
“Again, I need to tell you about me first and we have a limited amount of time. Here it goes…you remember when you discovered I was a super soldier like you?” I asked. He nodded.  
“You opted into that program for SHIELD. You were a highly trained soldier and they elected you for the procedure,” he said.  
“That’s what SHIELD wanted you to think,” I said.  
“What?” he asked. “That’s what Natasha found in the databases.”  
“Yes, according to the SHIELD database, that’s what Director Fury input for me. It was a cover. One that we knew anyone could find, especially HYDRA,” I said. Steve scrubbed his hand down his face. He looked weary but I knew he was determined to know the truth.  
“Who are you?” he asked. I hesitated a moment as I gathered my words. No better way than to rip the band-aid off.  
“I am the second super soldier experiment that Abraham Erskine created. Right after Johan Schmidt and just before you, Steve,” I began. I glanced back to see him pale. He was struggling to process this notion but shook his head.  
“I was Abraham’s second experiment-”  
“That’s what Abraham and everyone else told you. It was to protect me and my identity, Steve. Because I didn’t just become a super soldier. I mutated. Most of my mutations were a secret though, because no one knew what I was fully capable of,” I said.  
“You have wings and you’re an empath…” he stammered.  
“You saw those, huh?” I smiled.   
“They’re hard to miss. Why didn’t you tell me? What else are you hiding? “ he asked.  
“Whoa Steve, slow down. I have wings and I’m an empath, yes. I also have the ability to project energy, whether it’s to stop people, push people, grab people…you name it. But I’m not sure what else…yet,” I said.  
“Yet?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow.  
“We’re getting off track. What you need to know is that after my experiment was deemed a failure and my identity erased, I agreed to submit my blood for Abraham’s testing…to crack the code so to speak, because as you know, I wasn’t the only mutation,” I began. Steve nodded, indicating he knew of the Red Skull failure. I drew in a deep breath.  
“Then you came along and I became your secret guardian. SHIELD wanted to protect their newest asset, of course. I was there the day Bucky fell off the train. I tried to rescue him. I was almost successful too, if it hadn’t been for Hydra’s meddling. They got him before I could get him away. Then I failed you. I was not able to save you from crashing that plane,” I said. Steve gasped, clearly unaware that I had existed for so long. He had no idea how hard I had taken the fact that I failed to protect him. I could tell he wanted to say something but I cut him off. I wasn’t ready for whatever it was he had to say. I needed him to understand the bigger picture.   
“Flash forward five years later,” I continued, “With whisperings of Hydra’s latest weapon. SHIELD sent me in to retrieve as much information as I could. That’s how I ended up with Bucky as my mission. My first encounter had me whipping out my wings to try to get him down. Something about my wings triggered a memory in Bucky and suddenly Bucky’s training and brainwashing unraveled. I almost had him to safety until Hydra descended upon us. Bucky sacrificed himself to keep me safe. He didn’t want me falling into Zola’s grasp and end up one of his experiments.”  
I could tell Steve was processing this as he nodded.   
“That sounds like him. Never one to let a pretty dame get in harm’s way. But you were powerful as a super soldier-” he began.  
“Correction. I had super strength, speed, and wings. My kinetic energies had yet to make an appearance and my empathic capabilities, though present, were still developing and getting stronger. I had no idea I could sway emotion at the time. But Steve, there’s something you need to know and it’s exactly what I meant when I said I have things in my past that wouldn’t sit well with you,” I said. Steve lifted an eyebrow.  
“There’s more?”  
I nodded. “I don’t want to keep this from you but you need to know. For almost 70 years, Bucky was my mission. I chased him for the better part of a lifetime everywhere Hydra sent him. I tried to save him. Over that time, I fell in love with him. We were in love,” I said. Steve seemed to mull that over a moment, almost like he wasn’t sure of what I had just said. The silence was awkward at best and I had an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I cautiously opened the connection between us and became overwhelmed with worry, doubt, guilt, and sadness. But the anguish was the strongest to flow through me. I didn’t need to be a psychic to know what the torment was.  
“Do you still love him, Vera?” he asked softly. My breath caught in my throat and my heart raced.   
“Steve, up until today, I thought Bucky was dead,“ I said.  
“Do you still love him?”  
I drew in a deep breath. Did I still love Bucky? A part of me always knew that love for Bucky would never fade but it had been 10 years and while I always harbored hope, I had felt he died that day. Seeing him today had stirred a lot of things within me. But as I looked into Steve’s eyes, I realized how deep I had fallen with him.  
“I will always love Bucky, Steve. But for 10 years, I thought he was dead. And I decided to move on with my life. I needed to. I fell in love with you, Steve. I tried to fight it for so long because it didn’t feel right harboring this from you,” I replied as I stepped in closer to him.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Why? Steve, you already blamed yourself for Bucky’s initial death. I couldn’t let you punish yourself further not knowing he was alive, brainwashed and then killed again! Please understand I wanted to spare you, not hurt you. I love you.”  
He ran his fingers through his disheveled blond hair as he blew out an exasperated breath. It was a lot to take in. I couldn’t fault him for his feeling of confliction. I grabbed the folders and handed them to him. He took them carefully, as if the thickness of them would take him down.  
“Look, we have a mission to complete. Please tell me we can put this aside for long enough to complete it and after all this, if decide this is it for you, I will understand. I will disappear and you’ll never hear from me again,” I said. He stared blankly at the folders for a moment, unmoving. I nodded my head, making way for the makeshift door.  
“Vera?” he asked softly. I turned to look at him.  
“I meant what I said about handling your past if and when it happens. I just need time. We will get through this. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. I’m upset that you felt you couldn’t tell me this and I want to know the whole truth. But right now, we’ve got to stop Project Insight and take down HYDRA,” he said. Steve reached out his hand to cup my face, his thumb brushing across my cheek. His eyes were searching for something in mine but I could tell he was relieved to know I was with him. He leaned closer to me, his lips capturing mine in a gentle kiss. As he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to mine, his eyes were closed as if he were savoring the moment.  
“I love you, Vera.” It felt good to hear him say that. Especially since this had been my fear when we first began dating. I wanted to cry. I didn’t deserve him. Not after harboring this from him for so long. But I didn’t want to be without him either. I owed him the whole truth and he would get it. But for now he was right. HYDRA needed to be put down. I took his hand as we walked out towards Fury’s room to get a plan in order for the take down. Though my confidence in our relationship was restored, I could feel the looming anxiety and worry from Steve. He needed to save Bucky.


	9. If This Ends in Fire...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this chapter was inspired by Ed Sheeran's "I See Fire." Here's to hoping it's not a complete mess. Your comments would be appreciated.

A few years after the fall of the Triskelon

FRIDAY had just alerted me to the fact that Steve and Bucky would be landing soon as I snapped out of my thoughts and finished the last touch ups to Bucky’s room. It was right on our floor of the compound as Steve and I thought it best to keep him close. No one would bother him or have to worry about him snapping. It had taken a long time to get here, from the events that ensued after we had taken down the Triskelon and Tony discovering the Winter Soldier was the reason his parents were dead. That had been a dark time. Steve and I had talked about who I was and the relationship about me and Bucky a lot. We even had our first serious fight because Steve was truly upset that I felt I couldn’t trust him with that knowledge. But here we were, getting ready to bring Bucky into the Avengers and trying to work together as a team. Tony was less than thrilled about this but he did acknowledge that Bucky was not himself when that happened. For the time being he promised not to kill him, mostly per my pleadings and my insistence that I had this under control.  
I glanced about the room, making one last sweep through to make sure everything was in place. It wasn’t much but I wanted him to be comfortable and have all the amenities he could want while he tried to adjust to a new normal. T’Challa and his sister made good on their word and found a way to sever the Winter Soldier. Those conditioning words had no affect on him now and there were no fears of some one trying to reactivate him. I had only seen him a few times since and each time was difficult as he was not yet up to speed with what had happened in the last decade or so. It was my responsibility to help make sure he transitioned ok. Steve had asked me to, since I was so patient with him when he‘d been thawed from the ice.  
I sighed and finished the last of the laundry and put it away, making my way to the elevator to head to the landing bay. As I approached the elevator, I heard it ding, the doors opened to reveal a smiling Steve and a nervous Bucky. I smiled brightly at both of them, catching Steve’s eye as they stepped off.  
“Vera?” Bucky asked cautiously, as if he’d seen a ghost. I nodded, knowing his brain was still somewhat of a mess from sorting things out after the code had been broken. Steve had taken Sam and Bruce to Wakanda to help him level out and had finally stabilized him just enough to travel. Sam was going to continue with PTSD counseling while Bruce would help monitor his brain activity. Bruce had come back a couple days early to brief me on the situation and his mental state. He’d advised Steve against any sudden new information (especially about our relationship) and suggested that I be the one to break the news to him. I dreaded this moment. I hadn’t told Steve yet, but even spending some time in Wakanda with Bucky had made me realize I wasn’t sure about how I felt for Bucky. There was a part of me that still wanted to be with him, but also with Steve at the same time. I found often after the visits that I was wishing to have them both. In one person would be the best but both of them at the same time was what I really wanted. But I knew I shouldn’t and I often spent time berating myself for even thinking I could have them both. It wasn’t fair and I often fought with myself trying to get it under control.  
Bucky lunged at me, embracing me in a tight hug, taking care to be gentle with his new metal arm that T’Challa’s team designed.  
“It’s good to have you here, Buck,” I said. He suddenly pressed his lips to mine, catching me off guard as I tried to make it not as awkward. I couldn’t help but fall back into that rhythm as kissing Bucky had been second nature so many years ago. I glanced to Steve after he broke the kiss, noting the sadness in his eyes. I didn’t need to open our connection to know he felt awful about the whole thing. He had even made a suggestion about having a few days with him but I immediately shut it down, pointing out the absurdity of it. Sam and Bruce even backed me up, telling Steve it was an awful idea as it would just prolong an awkward situation. Plus, would Steve really be ok with the notion that Bucky would be kissing and holding on to me at every turn? The flicker of jealousy in his eyes at the kiss told me all I needed to. Steve felt bad that this was happening to his best friend, but he was obviously not quite ok with this.  
“I’m glad to be here, doll, he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I looked back into Bucky’s crystal blues with a big smile.  
“ Come on, babe. Let’s get you settled into your new room, ok?” I said as we turned to walk toward his suite, Steve beside me as we made our way down the hall. I glanced to Steve again and he inclined his head, knowing that this wouldn’t be easy.  
“See you, Punk,” Bucky chuckled as we walked into the suite. Bucky stopped, in awe of everything in the room around him. I moved to close the door behind us and take a deep breath.  
“Wow,” he breathed. “This is mine?”  
I turned and smiled, looking about the living area as I stepped closer to him. We were currently standing in the living room area, with a gray couch and Lay-Z Boy to match, along with a coffee table, TV, and computer desk with a netbook. I had made sure to include a bunch of movies and TV shows I knew he would appreciate, some he would appreciate in time. I wanted it to feel like home for him, something comfortable.  
“Do you like it?” I asked softly, watching his eyes widen as he took it all in. It was almost like a kid at Christmas and he was excited to see the gifts for him.  
“I do. I mean…wow…” he said. I laughed.  
“The kitchen is out in the common area on our floor, can’t miss it. There’s one on every floor it seems so there’s always a gathering somewhere. Or if you just want to stay in, there’s always the option of the kitchen here. Come on, let me show you the bathroom and bedroom,” I said as I gently took his metal arm.  
“There’s more?!” he exclaimed. I stopped and looked at Bucky for hints of jesting but quickly realized that he wasn’t. When we had found him a few years ago in Bucharest, he was living in a run down studio no bigger than the living room. And to say it was run down was putting it nicely. But I knew at the time it was all he could afford while in hiding. He deserved something nice, after all he’d been through. After all he was about to go through as well, I thought darkly. I lead him into his master bedroom. Bucky’s eyes lit up when he saw the king sized bed with the soft navy blue comforter. He was even more enthused seeing the few bookshelves that lined the wall across from the bed, full of books I had remembered him talking about and some Steve insisted he would enjoy. He looked to the dresser and the closet, noting the closet was stocked with various clothes, all new and ready for his use. As a man from the 40s and a trained assassin, he’d never seen so many clothes in his life. He was used to the bare minimum.  
“These are all mine?” he asked. I nodded.  
“I don’t think I could wear all these,” he said. I shrugged.  
“Wear what you want. You’ll figure it out, Buck,” I said. He filtered through some of the shirts, pulling out a blue dress shirt and holding it up.  
“Tony has various events that we’re always invited to. I figured you could use some nice things in case,” I said.  
“Or I guess I could always clean up for you and take you somewhere nice once I’m settled. Show you what a real charmer I was back in the day,“ he chuckled. He pulled out a hanging bag, replacing the shirt back on the rack.  
“If this is a tux, the answer is hell no,” he said. I smiled.  
“Again, a just in case. Who knows, Bucky, you might actually have fun at one of these things,” I chuckled. He shook his head and placed it back into the closet, moving on to the luxurious bathroom. Inside was both a spa tub and a glass shower, along with a double sink vanity. It was exactly like the bathroom in Steve’s and my suite.  
“I don’t need all this,” he said in awe of it. He turned to look at me. “Really, a tub with a shower head would have done just fine.”  
“To be fair, Bucky, that’s just the way the rooms were built. It’s a Tony Stark luxury thing. He wants to make sure all the Avengers have the comfort of home,” I said.  
“So your room is the same way?” he asked. Before I could answer, he then asked, “Or is this our home?”  
He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me closer to him as he kissed my lips. The muscle memory took over and I melted into him, just like we’d never lost any time. His hands glided up my back, his fingers slipping through my hair as he cradled the back of my head. A he kissed his way to the crook of my neck, I felt the familiar tingle racing through my body. The sudden thought of Steve’s eyes as we had walked down the hall had me reeling. My heart sank. I felt like I’d been socked in the gut as I tried to keep my face even. I hadn’t anticipated the realization that I was still in love with Bucky and it made it that much harder.  
“I have my own room,” I said quickly, trying not to let it show in my voice. Technically I wasn’t lying. But I was omitting that I lived with Steve.  
“It’s probably for the best at the moment, doll, just until I can get my PTSD under control and you and I get to know each other again,” he said. “Though truthfully, I think we’d be ok living together.”  
He guided me back into the bedroom with his hand on the small of my back and made his wayover to the book case, where his finger tips grazed along the spines of several books until he came across one that caught his attention. He pulled it out to look at it closer, reading the synopsis. He then looked up to me, a smile on his face.  
“Did you do all of this for me?” he asked softly.  
“Steve and I both did, Bucky. You deserve to have something like this to call your own…to call home,” I said.  
“Doll, you know I am at home anywhere, as long as I have you,” he said his gaze back on the book as he opened it to the first page. I felt my heart stop as my nose did that prickly thing before I started crying. It was now or never, despite the tightening in my stomach telling me not to. But as much as I loved him, he didn’t deserve to be led on.  
“Buck, we need to talk,” I began slowly. He quickly glanced to me with those beautiful eyes and nodded as he half turned to put the book away.  
“Yeah, sure, doll face. What’s on your mind?” he asked, sinking down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. I sat down next to him, fidgeting with my hands. He placed his hands on mine squeezing them as he focused on me. I felt the bile in my throat rise, knowing this wouldn’t easy nor would it be ok in the end. I drew in a deep breath feeling the tears sting my eyes. No. I had to stay strong. I felt anything but.  
“I’m sorry…this isn’t easy, but there is no good way around this,” I breathed. Bucky squeezed my hands once again, pulling them to his lips and softly pecking them.  
“Whatever it is, Vera, we’ll get through it. We always seem to,” he said. I knew he was referencing our relationship through the years, how we always found each other, how we seemed to make things work. But that was ages ago and before he disappeared. Now things were more complicated. Especially when Steve and I both thought him dead.  
“I really wish we would, Bucky, but I fear it really won’t be that simple, love, I said. I felt a tear slip from my eyes. He was quick to wipe it away with the pad of his flesh thumb.  
“At least let me try,” he said. I drew in another deep breath.  
“You died 10 years ago,” I started. His face screwed up in confusion.  
“That day you met those men at the warehouse in Stockton? You were awake. They knew it. And they shot you, Bucky. I was there. I was watching, trying to figure out a way to extract you from the debrief before they took you back. You lied to me the night before about not leaving me. You promised you wouldn’t. But I woke that morning as you snuck out and followed you,” I said. He looked lost in thought until his eyes suddenly lit up in recognition as he shook his head.  
“I know what it looked like but I was-”  
“Trying to protect me, I know,” I finished for him. He chuckled.  
“Well yes, but what I was going to say, doll, was that they tranq’ed me,” he said. “It looked like I was dead but I was really sedated.”  
I nodded. This really wasn’t going to be easy.  
“Bucky, the thing is, you disappeared. 10 years went by and I couldn’t find you anywhere. I searched everywhere for a lead on you, your body, something. But I couldn’t find anything. I even hired a friend of mine to use his connections to see if we could find you.,” I said as I stroked his hands.  
“What are you getting at, Ver?” he asked.  
“I moved on with my life, Bucky. I moved on with someone else because I truly believed you were gone. I’m with Steve now. We’ve been together for the last few years. I…I love him,” I finally blurted out. As I looked into his eyes, I saw the realization spark to life. He removed his hands from mine.  
“This whole time?” he asked. I nodded. He scooted away from me a bit as he looked away. I could sense that he was conflicted, thinking of what he’d just learned. I cautiously opened the connection between us, immediate anger taking me by surprise. He wasn’t just confused. He was pissed. As well he should be but something didn’t sit well with me.  
“Bucky?” I whispered. His face snapped back toward me as he glared. I could feel the blood draining from my face.  
“Get out!” he growled.  
“Bucky-wait we didn’t-”  
“I said. Get. The. Fuck. Out.”  
I stood up from the bed, backing away from him, holding my hand up.  
“Bucky, I’m sorry. But I didn’t want-”  
“But you did! And with Steve no less. What? You missed me that much that you had to go after Steve?!” he snapped. I shook my head.  
“I helped Steve get acclimated to life as it is now. I didn’t want to date him because I had known that you both were best friends. He didn’t know I was with you and it wasn’t fair. But you were gone Bucky and I needed to move on. I didn’t do it deliberately!” I cried.  
“I was alive! And all I could think about was finding you again when everything fell apart. I come back to find out that you aren’t waiting for me, but instead you’re with my best friend. You betrayed me. You betrayed what we had! How could you do this to me? To us? How could you get with my best friend?”  
I drew in a quivering breath. I hadn’t seen him this angry before and I was actually worried about how this would suddenly go. It made me wonder if I should have asked Shuri to remove the memories of me somehow.  
“I didn’t betray us. God knows how hard I struggled to stay away from Steve. But Steve pursued me and I couldn’t find you. I thought about you every day. I searched high and low for you. And when I realized you weren’t coming back, I made a decision. I love you, Bucky, but you were gone!” I cried. “I had to move on with my life.”  
“Did he know about us?” he snarled. My heart sank and I felt sick.  
“Not initially. But the day we ran into you on the bridge he learned of our history shortly thereafter,” I said softly.  
“So you lied to him too,” he snorted.  
“To protect him! He had already blamed himself for your death on the train that day! There wasn’t a need to make him feel guiltier than he already felt, Buck!” I cried. Suddenly he grasped my neck with his metal arm, pushing me up against the wall. I gasped for air as his grip had tightened. I held my hand up to him, pushing a wave of energy quickly down and out through my arm. It was enough to break his hold, pushing him away from me. He landed with a thud to the floor as I rubbed my neck, turning to get out of the suite. I turned to face him one last time before leaving.  
“Bucky, I-”  
“I hate you!” he spat. With that, I turned and let myself out the door, heading toward the elevator.  
“Vera?!” Steve yelled as he dashed to me. I turned to him as he encircled his arms around me, noting the red marks around my neck.  
“Did he-”  
“I don’t want to talk about it, Steve. Just don’t, ok? It didn’t go over so well. Of course we knew it wouldn’t. But it doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done. Just leave me alone, ok? I need some time,” I said. As I pushed out of his embrace.  
“No, Vera, come on. We need to talk about it. Let me go talk to him and-”  
“Just do whatever, Steve. But I don’t want to talk I just want to be alone,” I snapped as I slammed the elevator button. I hopped on and immediately shut the doors, heading straight to the roof.  
* * * * *  
I sensed Tony before he got much closer.  
“Go away, Tony,” I said, not bothering to turn around. I heard him sigh but he stopped where he was.  
“Are you ok? I mean I came looking for you and-” he began. I snorted.  
“You came because Steve thought I would talk to you when all I want is for everyone to leave me alone,” I said.  
“Sweetie, I-”  
“Stop, Tony! Just stop!” I yelled. I whipped around, my arms crossed. I must have been a sight to behold as Tony’s brown eyes widened. I knew even in the dim light that he saw the glitter trail of tears that streamed down my cheeks. He took one step forward.  
“Don’t!” I snapped. He lowered his head and heaved a heavy sigh When he glanced back to me, I could see the distress on his face.  
“Ver-”  
“Stop, Tony! You don’t get it do you? I want to be left alone right now. I don’t want a friendly face. Leave me alone!” I barked. Tony stepped back, eyes wide in shock. I’d snapped at Tony before, but this was different. I could sense the confusion.  
“Just leave me alone. Tell Steve I am sorry for worrying him, if that’s even what this is really about. I have to go, I said as I stepped up on the ledge. Without another word, I let myself fall as I let my wings unfurl, spreading them to curve up from my straight down trajectory and fly towards downstate New York.  
* * * * *  
As I sat on the roof top of my loft, I stared out at the city beyond, listening to the sounds. The breeze was cool against my skin but not enough to chill me. I had no idea of the time or how long I’d been gone. I didn’t care either.  
“Come here often, gorgeous?” I heard a familiar voice ask. A smirk pulled half way across my face as I turned to the shadowed figure in a hoodie.  
“Let me guess. Steve called you and said they couldn’t find me,” I said. Wade sighed.  
“He left a message but I’m not here because of them. Fuck them. I’m here because of you,” Wade said.  
“I just want to be alone, Wade,” I said, turning back to the skyline. I heard the footsteps come closer and stop just short of where I was perched. As if deciding to say fuck it all, Wade stepped closer and put his arms around me, his head rested on my shoulder.  
“Can I be alone with you?” he asked, softly pressing his lips to my temple. I sighed, defeated.  
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. Of all my friends, Wade was the only one who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Furthermore, he’d take a beating anyway so there was no point in threatening him.  
“I didn’t say I wanted to talk about it. I asked if I could be alone with you,” he said. I nodded as he kept a hold of me, his head still on my shoulder. Even though I truly wanted to be alone, I also craved the company and Wade’s demeanor right now was what the empath in me needed. After a moment, Wade sighed.  
“You know I care about you, right?” he asked. I pulled back to face him.  
“What happened to not talking about it?” I asked sarcastically. Wade lifted an annoyed eyebrow.  
“Am I talking about it? NO! I am talking about you. Gosh, Rainbow, sometimes you can’t be so narcissistic. Can’t it be about you for once?” he lamented. I chuckled softly.  
“I know you care, Wade. I know that’s why you’re here. I just…”I trailed. Wade nodded.  
“I take it Frosty didn’t take well to you hooking up with Captain Do Right?” he asked. I looked away. Wade could read me like a book sometimes.  
“We didn’t hook-”  
“Whoa lighten up. It was a joke. But nonetheless, Winter didn’t like it. It’s not your fault you know? Getting involved with Star Spangled. 10 years, Rainbow. It’s an awfully long time, especially when all you saw in your last encounter was Hydra dragging away his body. I looked high and low too. Still couldn’t find him. And I’m good.”  
“I know,” I said.  
“Then stop beating yourself up. You had to do what was right for. 10 years, Vera, and it’s not like you jumped onto the Captain’s train the day after the boogeyman disappeared,” he said. I sighed. Wade was right. I kissed his hand as I settled in with him, gazing out over the New York skyline.

* * * * *  
I entered the compound with the intent on going to my living quarters without confrontation when suddenly as I stepped off the elevator, I was bombarded with the commotion in the common room on our floor.  
“He has to go, Steve!” I heard Tony’s voice speak. “I will not have him here accusing her of things beyond her control!”  
“It will all work out. You just have to give them time to sort it over. We just had a small success getting Bucky back. We can’t just throw him out!” Steve cried.  
“The hell we can’t!” Tony’s voice boomed. “He’s a threat to everyone here. He can go off at any moment.”  
“He won’t. We’ll work on it,” Steve cried. I crept closer to the common area, wishing like hell I would have just kept going to my room. I noted Steve and Tony standing in the middle of a semi circle of Nat, Bruce, Wanda, Sam, and Vision. Bucky stood behind Steve.  
“Work on it? Have you noticed that Vera tried to explain to Bucky what happened and he basically crushed her! She left, Steve! And you think they will work it out? He hates her!” Tony all but screamed.  
“Hey I don’t really hate her, I just can’t believe-” Bucky began.  
“Shut up! No one asked you, you abomination!” Tony cried. With that, Bucky flew forward, his fists barreling for Tony.  
“Hey!” I cried out, throwing out my powers to separate them, bouncing them both back. I walked into the common room, noting everyone who’d been standing by silently.  
“Stop, Tony!” I barked. When Bucky noted Tony being off guard he started again but was helplessly bounced back by my powers.  
“Bucky, stop! Or I will flatten you!” I snarled. As he stood up he gave me a withering stare, which I returned back in kind, not afraid of nor deterred by him. He took his place next to Steve, scowling as he bowed his head, whether out of embarrassment or habit I didn’t know. Tony started to take a step toward me but I held my hand up, signaling him to stop. He didn’t make another move, possibly afraid I might bounce him again.  
“I came in ready to hide away in my room and I hear you all arguing about Bucky. Let me just state that while I know this is not my house, I am not going to let any of you toss him out on the street. I will move myself out if that happens,” I began.  
“Vera,” Tony warned.  
“Silence! I’m not done! Yes, big deal, Bucky hurt my feelings but they are my feelings and I will handle it, not you. Or you. Or even you,” I snapped, pointing at Tony, Steve, and Bucky. “And before anyone freaks the fuck out, I will personally ensure that Bucky is safe on these premises, along with Steve. He is our charge and I will help take care of him along his way!”  
“I don’t need you to look out for me. I’m a grown man for fuck’s sake, stop trying to save me!” Bucky snarled, crossing his arms. I could feel the anger rise within me at his pointed words.  
“Bucky,” Steve warned, knowing the look I was glaring in his direction all too well. But it was too late. Without much thought, I used my kinetic energy to latch on to Bucky and drug him to me, bringing him close to my face.  
“Tough shit, asshole! I still care about you. Like it or not, it’s been 10 years. Things have changed. I’m sorry that you are having to deal with all of this and it’s all so sudden and painful. You can hate me and be angry with me all you want. But I am going to look after you. I’m not ‘saving’ you. We can discuss shit later but for now, I don’t give a fuck what you think. Got it?!” I snapped. I felt him flinch and saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. But he was determined to be strong. I wanted to tell him that I was still in love with him, even though he was being an idiot.  
“Yes m’am!” he barked.  
“Good,” I said as I released him and he stepped back. I glanced to Steve, whose face was full of concern. I looked away, not ready to deal with that.  
“Now that this is finally settled, you all can quit fucking worrying about me and go on with your lives,” I said as I left the common room, heading for the suite. I knew Steve was behind me as I heard his footsteps trying to catch up. I opened our door and made way for the cabinet where I kept various supplies. I could feel the concern along with the slightest hint of agitation Steve had as he stepped into our living area.  
“Steve, I am not really in the mood tonight to discuss anything heavy,” I said without even looking in his direction. I opened the cabinet doors and began moving stuff about to get to the notepads. In all of the things I had meant to stock in Bucky’s room, I had not gotten to the notebooks and pens yet.  
“Vera, what was that?!” he cried. I finally turned my gaze in his direction, his blue eyes blazing into mine. I’d seen Steve mad before but I knew he’d never hurt anyone. He was the most even person I knew. But Bucky meant the world to him and he was upset I didn’t talk to him about the events that took place with Bucky before I took off.  
“What was with you sending in Tony and Wade to retrieve me? Seriously, Steve?!” I snapped. “I asked you for a time out. And you send in reinforcements you’d thought would be a sure fire way of making me talk to you?”  
“Wait-Wade found you? He told me to fuck off and hung up,” Steve said.  
“You’re lucky Wade likes you, Steve. He’s said and done way worse. Of course he found me, he’s Wade. But no, he didn’t find me for you. He found me because we have been friends for a long time. He was concerned. He said something that made a lot of sense though,” I said. Steve lifted an eyebrow, waiting on me to continue.  
“For better or worse I made the decision to move on. I can’t keep beating myself up over it. I did what any normal human would do. I still care about Bucky, that never stopped. Now I need to be here for him and that means even if he is angry with me. He’s now our responsibility, “ I said. He nodded, stepping forward to close the gap between us. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close, pressing a bruising kiss to my lips. I could tell he felt a need to be close.  
“Bucky told me about what happened. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you. That’s why I wanted you to tell me what was going on. I know you needed space but I needed to make sure you were ok,” he whispered, his hands stroking my back. “It drove me crazy not knowing if you were going to leave or if you weren’t going to be able to tell him about this. I dare say I even worried about Bucky’s reaction.” His fingertips lightly brushed the fading purplish mark on my neck from where his metal hand had gripped. I looked away as I brushed his hand off. The worst part was not being able to tell Steve how I really felt. I was conflicted. I wanted them both. But I knew I couldn’t have them both and I needed to just forget about it. I put my hand on Steve’s face as I stroked his cheek.  
“There’s just one more thing, Steve,” I said as I turned to pull the notebook and pen out of the cabinet and close it.  
“Yeah?” he asked.  
“However this goes down, Bucky and I have to work this in our own way. That means with as much as you love and care for me, you cannot intervene. This is your warning, Steve. Do not intervene, no matter what it is,” I said.  
“Vera,” he warned.  
“No Steve. I mean it. I am trained to handle Bucky. You know that. Just let it ride, whatever the case may be,” I said as I tried to brush past him. He quickly grasped my wrist, pulling me back.  
“I don’t believe I like what you are insinuating. I think it’s time to remind you just who gets to order who around,” he growled in my ear. I felt my legs go weak as my skin tingled. Ever the dominant Captain in command. I lifted my head to his lips, barely brushing mine against them.  
“And I will let you do just that, after I deliver this notebook to Bucky, Captain,” I purred, nipping his lower lip. He groaned as he released my wrist and pecked my lips.  
“Hurry back,” he ordered. I smiled as I slipped out the door and down the hall to Bucky’s quarters. I drew in a deep breath and knocked on the door, waiting for him to answer. The door swung wide, revealing an agitated Bucky glaring down at me.  
“What?” he grumbled. “Come to make sure I am not destroying myself?”  
“I sincerely hope you’re not. But you know I’ll be able to sense it if you do,” I said. I was trying to be sincere as I answered. He snorted as he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.  
“Yeah, about that. Don’t be pulling that empath crap on me anymore. Stay out of my head,” he sneered.  
“It’s not your head I mess with, Barnes. But seeing as you need your space, you have my word that I will not manipulate your mood. Not unless it is an absolute emergency. Here,” I said as I held out the notebook and pen to him.  
“What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Write my feelings down? Do writing exercises about how much I don’t care about you anymore?” he asked.  
I could feel the anger rising to the surface again. I fought to not let it control me, to rise above it. Bucky was only trying to instigate a fight because he was hurt. I wouldn’t take the bait.  
“Sam and I discussed how important it is to sort out the real events from the made up ones in your head. This is supposed to be a way to help you with that,” I said, trying to show Bucky I wasn’t as evil as he made me out to be.  
“So you thought you would try to show me just how much you care by coming here and telling me the seriousness of my PTSD? I’m well aware that I could snap at any moment. I don’t need a diary to alert me to that fact and I don’t need anything from you,” he spat through clenched teeth. “Go back to your perfect life with Steve and leave me the fuck alone.”  
I knew the way I was about to react was childish but I didn’t care. I took the pen and notebook and chucked it into his living area as I scowled at him.  
“Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want, Barnes. Have a nice night,” I snapped. I then pushed forth my energy, knocking Bucky on his ass as I walked away. I could hear him scramble to his feet as he yelled to me, “Way to kick a man when he’s down, Avery.”  
I didn’t turn back but instead, flipped him off as I made my way to our door. Yeah, I thought, this is going to go over real well.


End file.
